(Continued from part 1)
I slept great that night. I was at peace knowing my baby was in the arms of our Savior. I woke up missing him so badly. The pain almost unbearable, but the memories of the day before made me do nothing but smile. This little life had united people with a love that was indescribable. It was a love that could only come from one place, God. While I have always known that there was a reason that Isaac was sick and that we wouldn’t get to keep him, I never understood that reason and often asked “why?” While I still don’t have a full understanding and don’t think I ever will until I, myself get to heaven, I do believe I understand a little better. One of my best friends wrote in the guest book at the memorial service that Isaac was a missionary. I think he was just that. We have already heard several instances where Isaac’s story has opened the door for the gospel to be shared with people that don’t know Christ. Each time I hear something like this it just takes my breath away. I feel so honored that God chose my family to be a part of something so big.
This past week seems like a blur. The days seem to fly by, but yet it seems like it was forever ago that I was holding my sweet baby. I miss him so much. I miss his 10 sweet fingers and 10 sweet toes (we were told he would have at least 1 extra finger and problems with his feet, he did not). I miss his soft skin and beautiful golden hair. I miss holding his precious little body in my arms. I’m not sure where to go from here. What is my new normal going to be like? My mom is still here and I am so thankful for that because she is letting me rest both physically and mentally. It’s nice to know I won’t be alone when Jonathan goes back to work this week. My mommy is one of my best friends. It’s giving me a few more days before having to find my new normal. I am honestly a little scared of what that new normal is going to be like. I just had a baby, but I don’t have that baby to take care of now. I feel like things should just keep going like they were, but I have been forever changed by the events of this past week. It is all so very confusing, but I know the Lord will help me through one day at a time.
Thank you all so much for continuing to read my blog and for loving us so well. We love you all so much!
Rest now Kacie. Let the Lord speak to you in your pain and quiet times. You are a shining light for our Savior, and it is your time to recharge. Hugs! Still praying...
ReplyDeleteYour strength is remarkable. I love reading your blog stories. I hate to read ... but I can't seem to pull myself away from your story. I'm so touched by every word. Thank you so much for sharing as hard as it may be some times. It just lets me know that no matter what I'm going through, it can't begin to compare to what you've gone and are still going through. May God continue to bless you and your wonderful family. :) And the photos are AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteKacie,
ReplyDeleteI graduated from high school with your mom and dad. I know I don't know you, but I feel like I do from reading your blog. You and your family are an inspiration! Your feelings and your family's feelings about how God chose all of you and sweet little Isaac to serve Him is truly awesome. The preacher at my church once preached about the saying, "God never gives you anything you can't handle". He said that was NOT true. He said, "God never gives you anything you can't handle, with His help". Your family has shown the true meaning of handling life's hardest moments with God's help. I pray that you settle in to your new normal smoothly.
I love you precious girl;) praying for you guys and so thankful he was blessed with such an amazing and loving family, even for a short time.....And so thankful you were blessed by him:)
ReplyDelete~Rache;)
Kacie- You and Jonathan are a blessing. Thank you for sharing your story. Your family is tremendously beautiful. Your strength and courage amazes me. You guys are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteAll my love-
Nikki (Arbuckle) Burt
Kacie- I have been following your blog and I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you for sharing Issac's story hes simply BEAUTIFUL!!
ReplyDeleteI will never understand why god chooses the special mommies he does but listening to your story makes my faith reassured he KNOWS what he is doing. You are an amazing (faithful) mommy
If you havent read it yet(i think you may have) the book I will carry you by Angie Smith is amazing
God Bless you and your family
Praying for peace and comfort for you all at this difficult time
Hi Kacie - I just found your blog tonight thru Kelly's link-up and have sat here and read thru all of your posts about Isaac and watched the video of his birthday. What a beautiful baby he is and I love that you shared him with us. Our sweet boy was born still on March 26, 2006 - he had cystic hygroma and a heart defect. My biggest regret was not taking any pictures or video of him - I found out about NILMDTS a few days after I had him. The thought of us taking pictures just never entered my mind - I guess because I knew he wasn't going to live and I was too devastated to think past that. Thankfully the hospital took a picture of him :) Sorry - I know I rambled on - just wanted you to know how clearly Isaac was loved by you and you are such a sweet reminder of GOD's grace.
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