Monday, July 23, 2012

It all about choices... (link up at bottom)

"It's all about choices"  I can still hear my youth minister, Joel saying.  I believe I was blessed with the smartest, sweetest, and most fun youth ministers in the world.  I feel like so much of who I am today was shaped by their wisdom in how to teach young people to follow the Lord with their whole life.   Ok, just had to brag on them for a minute ;). Back to the point... Choices.  I have been thinking a lot lately about my feelings and emotions over the past 18 months or so.  So many people have commented on my strength or the fact that I have found joy and happiness in some very difficult circumstances.  I will always say that  first and foremost that strength and joy comes from the hope I have in Christ Jesus my Savior.  He is my rock and without Him, well I can't even imagine what life would be like.  But, at the same time, I am human.  When you're  laying in a sonogram room listening to the doctor tell you that your baby is "incompatible with life" the first feelings are naturally fear, anger, confusion, and sadness.  It was at that point that I knew I had a choice.  I could choose to focus on the joy that I knew could be found in this precious gift from the Lord, or I could choose to feel sorry for myself, withdrawal from society, and be sad all of the time.  I chose joy.  This doesn't mean that my heart wasn't completely broken or that I didn't cry many tears knowing that if I got to hold my baby at all it would only be for a short time.  This simply meant focusing on the positive rather than the sadness.  I knew that God had given us a gift and I wanted to enjoy that gift without any regrets.  I have had to remind myself of my decision frequently in this journey, especially at the beginning.  Like I said before it's not always the natural reaction.  Throughout my pregnancy with Isaac I enjoyed and treasured each and every little kick.  He would really be active if there was music playing.  I loved seeing his sweet little features on the sonograms.  I knew that things were not normal and he was very sick, but I was determined for those days to be sweet memories.  I knew that there was a chance it would be our only time to see him alive and I didn't want it to be full of sadness.  Kadynce got to go with us each time and I'll never forget her precious 18 month old voice saying "Isaacs!". I think I could write pages about the actual day he was born.  I don't think I have ever felt more love in my entire life.  That's all I wanted Isaac to experience and I believe he did.  So many prayers were answered that day.  He was born alive, moving, and making sweet noises.  He didn't ever seem to experience any pain.  I remember telling him over and over how beautiful and perfect he was.  Since Isaac's birth and death I have tried to continue to approach his life with the same attitude.  There was without a doubt a grieving process that I have gone through.  I think more than sadness it had to do with fear and worry.  Not wanting to lose another child.  Worrying about what the future would hold for our family.  That along with missing my baby made some days harder than others, but it was still so important to me for Isaac's life to be one remembered by love, happiness, and joy.

I decided to write about all of this for several reasons.  I hope that maybe it'll bring some clarity to those of you wondering if I'm in denial and just trying to suppress my true feelings.  Maybe it'll answer some questions about why I have approached things in the way I have.  These are both important, but what I really hope is that maybe someone reading this is facing a similar situation and they need to hear that they can choose joy!  It is all about choices and it is completely up to you :)

Wonderfully made link up:

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Birthday Celebration

Last Friday at my Doctor's appointment they told me I was still technically on modified bedrest, but that I could go out to eat, or even take short trips to the store as long as I stayed sitting down most of the time and was taking it easy.  I was so excited to hear this because it meant that I was going to be able to get out and celebrate Isaac's birthday like we had planned.  We had a wonderful two days of celebrating.

Sunday we went to Chili's (my favorite) for lunch and we shared a chocolate chip paradise pie.  It was delicious!

After lunch we went back to my parent's house for a little while.  This is how Kadynce gave us our card from my parents.

Inside the card it explained that Nana and Tata had decided to start sponsoring this sweet little boy named Isaac through Compassion in memory of our Isaac.  We are so excited about this and it means a lot to us!  

 This book is being donated to the preschool ministry at our church in memory of Isaac as well.  It is so neat.  It plays all of the classic children's bible songs. 
Monday we ate lunch at Homeslice Pizza.  It was so yummy!  The neatest part was that they brought Kadynce some pizza dough to play with while we were waiting on our food.  She thought it was the best thing ever!

Next, we headed to an old fashioned candy shop right across the street.  Little missy was absolutely in heaven.  She actually helped herself to a piece before we could stop her.  Shhhh don't tell anyone lol.

We let Kadynce pick out a stuffed animal to take to the hospital to give to a baby boy that was born on Monday.  She actually picked a doggy like the one my brother gave to Isaac at the hospital.  I put a card in the sack that told a little bit about Isaac and asked one of the nurses to pick a family to give it to.  I think this will be a fun tradition each year.  

That evening after dinner we all wrote notes to Isaac on a big blue balloon and then let it go outside.  After that we enjoyed a cookie cake just like the one my friend Whitney brought to the hospital last year.

Isaac's first birthday was a great day spent together as a family.  We wanted it to be a fun day for Kadynce as she remembers her little brother.  We talked a lot about heaven and Jesus.  While I know she doesn't fully grasp it all her child-like faith and sweet spirit is just so refreshing.  Thank you all so much for loving our little boy and for sharing in these precious moments with us.   

Monday, July 16, 2012

Happy Birthday Isaac and Link Up

Isaac Preston,
Happy 1st birthday my perfect, precious boy.  I can't even fathom the fun you are having celebrating in heaven.  There are no words to describe the joy you have brought your Daddy and I over the past year. Our arms may be empty, but our hearts are so full.  You have touched so many lives, sweet boy and we will continue to share you with anyone that will listen (and maybe even some that don't want to) for the rest of our lives.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about those wonderful 9 hours we got to spend holding you and kissing you.  I miss you more than you know.  Your big sister talks about you all the time.  She doesn't miss an opportunity to tell people about her little brother.  She talks about the day that we will all go to heaven and she says she's going to hold you. Mommy thinks about that day too :). Lord willing, you will soon have a little sister too.  We can't wait to tell her about you.  Happy Birthday again, my angel!
          I love you,

I wanted to share a slideshow with ya'll of Isaac's birth a year ago.  I thought this would be a good time to share some pictures that we never have before.

Isaac Preston Hunt - A Special Day from Jonathan & Kacie Hunt on Vimeo.

We already celebrated Isaac's birthday some yesterday and we are going to continue to do so today.  I'm really excited about spending the day enjoying our family.  I'm a very blessed mommy!

Today is also the Wonderfully Made Link Up.  Please link up if you have ever faced a negative prenatal diagnosis and be sure to encourage another family :)

Monday, July 9, 2012

Update and Link-Up

Due to things being a little out of sorts around here I have not gotten my weekly link up posted the last two weeks, but it's back today.  One week from today is Isaac's birthday.  I can't believe that it's almost been a year since I have kissed those sweet, chubby cheeks.  In some ways it seems like the blink of an eye, but in others it has been the longest year of my life.  We have been planning for a while to make next Monday a really special day, full of celebrating our precious boy.  We may not get to do everything I originally had planned due to me being a partial bed rest, but it will still be a wonderful day.

Things are going well around here.  I'm 33 weeks and 2 days.  Still no baby Lydia so that is a very good thing.  As long as I'm staying down like I'm supposed to I feel good.  If I start to overdo it at all the contractions start and it really scares me.  This baby still has some growing to do!  We have just been overwhelmed with the love and support we have received the past few weeks.  We have food being brought to us nearly every night and people are constantly checking in to see if we need someone to watch Kadynce, clean house, do laundry, etc.  My mom has been here almost every day basically "nesting" for me and getting ready for this baby girl to arrive.  Jonathan and my Daddy painted the nursery and it is just perfect.  I feel so unworthy, yet I am ever so grateful for everything. 

Below is the Wonderfully Made Link-Up for those of you that have had a negative prenatal diagnosis.  I am continually amazed at the encouragement I have found through other mommies that have been in a similar place in life.  I would love to hear your story and I'm sure others would as well!


Sunday, July 1, 2012

Big Scare and Bedrest

I'm so sorry I have been MIA for a little while. I have a good reason I promise :) This may be a little lengthy, but I want to remember everything that happened. Last Saturday, June 23rd started off as a normal Saturday. We got up early, went to some garage sale, the farmers market, and the mall. By the end of the morning I felt pretty uncomfortable, but who wouldn't be at 31 weeks pregnant walking around on a soon to be close to 100 degree day. When we got to the restaurant for lunch I noticed I was bleeding a little. It wasn't anything to make me very alarmed, but this was the first thing that happened when I went into labor with Isaac at 33 weeks.  I immediately called the on call doctor. She said just to be on the safe side and because of my history I should probably come on in to the hospital. None of us were very concerned since I wasn't really feeling any contractions. My Dad even said he was going to take my mom and Kadynce to the house and come right back and pick us up. Once I got to the hospital things took off pretty quickly. They put me on the monitor and once I got still and started paying attention I noticed I was having some "tightenings" that were coming pretty regularly. They started an IV in hopes that some hydration would make things better. In just a short amount of time these "tightenings" were becoming actual contractions and they were coming every 2-3 minutes. NOT GOOD! The Dr. came in and checked me and I was dilated 2 cm (when I first got there I was only 1 cm). They had also discovered that I had another UTI that was probably what triggered the contractions. She told me I was going to be staying a minimum of 3-4 days then immediately began giving the nurse orders. Steroids, magnesium sulfate, procardia, IV antibiotics. You see, I worked on a high risk antepartum unit for about 18 months. While I know this makes me far from an expert, I knew what those orders meant and I knew that they were pulling out all the stops to keep this baby from coming and to prepare her if she did.

This is where I started to lose it just a little. I went from enjoying a normal Saturday with my family to being in the hospital, getting pumped full of IVs (magnesium is NOT fun)trying to keep my 31 week baby inside. God is so good though because right then is when they informed me that my nurse was going to be the same one that was there the day Isaac was born. She is AMAZING! While that news made the tears flow harder they were tears of relief. This was to me the Lord reminding me that His hand was in all that was going on and he was going to take care of both me a Lydia. It took until about midnight, but my contractions finally spaced out and I hadn't dilated past 2 cm. After a long, sleepless night they were able to turn the medication off and I was able to get up and shower. I felt like a new woman. The next few days were pretty uneventful. They continued the IV antibiotics for the UTI while waiting for the culture to come back, finished my steroids to help develop Lydia's lungs, did 2 sonograms (Lydia wasn't doing the "practice breathing" on the first one which is fairly normal at 31 weeks), and discontinued my oral medication that was preventing contractions. When my culture came back saying that I could just take oral medication for the UTI and my contractions had not returned I was discharged home on bed/couch rest until 36 weeks. That was Tuesday night.

Whew.... that was a lot of information. I'm not going to pretend that this has been or is going to be easy. I have had my moments of feeling discouraged. After all we went through with Isaac all I want is a healthy baby. It's hard to understand why this pregnancy has been so difficult. On top of that I still have so much to do before Lydia gets here. I had pretty much completely cleared the calender in July and that was when we were supposed to do everything. Washing baby clothes, painting the nursery, sewing bedding, organizing closets, and making freezer meals were just a few of the things on my to do list. While this is not what I would have chosen I am so thankful for so much and I know this is a part of God's plan. He has shown me that over and over this past week. So many people have already helped us so much and we just can't say thank you enough. From people coming to the hospital, to those that have watched Kadynce, to the wonderful meals, to the prayers and encouragement. We have been blessed by you.