TGIF

I love Fridays! Jonathan is off and we usually just have some good family fun. Today we went to a really neat toy store in Austin then to Phil's Icehouse and Amy's Ice Cream for lunch. Kadynce had a lot of fun and was so sweet. As we left the toy store she looked at me and said "tank too" (thank you). I don't even think she was referring to the book we bought her as much as she was to us just taking her there. Moments like that melt my heart :) Here are some pics from our day!

Not Easy

The past couple of days have not been easy. Not that I expect less than two weeks after having and loosing a baby to be easy. I miss my Isaac so much it hurts. Physically I'm ok. Probably where I should be at this point postpartum. My body is still pretty sore at times and I tend to overdo it sometimes simply because I don't have a newborn to constantly remind me to lay low. Emotionally though I feel like I have been a mess. I don't know what I want or much less what I need from one minute to the next. I want so badly to just jump back into things the way they were before I had Isaac, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to do it. Postpartum hormones mixed with grieving is just not a good combination as I was warned it would not be. I'm not sharing this so any of you will worry about me or feel sorry for me. I'm simply sharing with the thought that there may be someone reading this going through a similar situation and I want them to know they are not alone during both the good and bad days. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband that loves me enough to tell me what I need when my mind isn't clear enough to know. I praise the Lord each day for the support system that he has provided us with during this time. I'm ok, I really am. I'm just sad and that's ok.

I love this picture of me and Isaac. I just love how his little hand is up on my chest and he's holding onto me. He never opened his eyes, but he knew his mommy was holding him and he knew that I love him sooo much!

Date Night!

Last night my mom watched Kadynce while Jonathan and I went on a much needed date night. I have wanted to see the movie "Soul Surfer" for months, but we never had the chance to make it to the theater to see it. Lucky for me it was still at the dollar theater so that's what we decided to do. We got buttery popcorn, nachos, and a large Mr. Pibb and the movie was incredible! After that we went to Maggie Moos and got ice cream and just sat outside and talked. It was the perfect night! I sure do love my hubby and I feel so blessed that he is in my life.



Soul Surfer was the perfect movie for us to see last night. It was incredible to me how many parallels there were between a 14 year old girl that lost her arm and this 24 year old girl that just lost her baby. Surfing was young Bethany Hamilton's life. It was her dream to be a professional surfer and she couldn't imagine doing anything else. In the same way all I have ever dreamed of is being a mommy. When my sweet baby boy was taken away it felt like part of my dream was too. I am so thankful to have our Kadynce and can't imagine having to go through this without her, but it's still hard. My favorite quote of the movie was when someone asked Bethany if she would go back to the day that the shark attacked and not go surfing? She said "No because I could never have embraced this many people with two arms." This is how I feel about all that we have gone through in the past months. Would I have chosen the path that we have had to walk? Probably not, but would I take anything back? No, because I have seen how many lives our precious boy touched in the short time he was here.

It's so hard, but I am trying to be brave as I face the future. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." I know it's ok to have my bad days and to be sad, cry, scream or do whatever I need to, but I know I do not need to be afraid. The Lord has and will take care of us. I believe that the Lord has placed the desire to have a large family in my heart and he will fulfill that desire in one way or another. God is good and he does good!

Isaac's Birth as told by Mommy Part Two

(Continued from part 1)

I slept great that night. I was at peace knowing my baby was in the arms of our Savior. I woke up missing him so badly. The pain almost unbearable, but the memories of the day before made me do nothing but smile. This little life had united people with a love that was indescribable. It was a love that could only come from one place, God. While I have always known that there was a reason that Isaac was sick and that we wouldn’t get to keep him, I never understood that reason and often asked “why?” While I still don’t have a full understanding and don’t think I ever will until I, myself get to heaven, I do believe I understand a little better. One of my best friends wrote in the guest book at the memorial service that Isaac was a missionary. I think he was just that. We have already heard several instances where Isaac’s story has opened the door for the gospel to be shared with people that don’t know Christ. Each time I hear something like this it just takes my breath away. I feel so honored that God chose my family to be a part of something so big.

This past week seems like a blur. The days seem to fly by, but yet it seems like it was forever ago that I was holding my sweet baby. I miss him so much. I miss his 10 sweet fingers and 10 sweet toes (we were told he would have at least 1 extra finger and problems with his feet, he did not). I miss his soft skin and beautiful golden hair. I miss holding his precious little body in my arms. I’m not sure where to go from here. What is my new normal going to be like? My mom is still here and I am so thankful for that because she is letting me rest both physically and mentally. It’s nice to know I won’t be alone when Jonathan goes back to work this week. My mommy is one of my best friends. It’s giving me a few more days before having to find my new normal. I am honestly a little scared of what that new normal is going to be like. I just had a baby, but I don’t have that baby to take care of now. I feel like things should just keep going like they were, but I have been forever changed by the events of this past week. It is all so very confusing, but I know the Lord will help me through one day at a time.

Thank you all so much for continuing to read my blog and for loving us so well. We love you all so much!

Isaac's Birth as told by Mommy Part One

Reading back over my blog post entitled "Expectations" gives me chills. It is just incredible to see how God was preparing me in all ways possible for what was to come over the next few days. I remember telling a friend Thursday night how physically uncomfortable I was and then waking up before my doctor’s appointment Friday morning with a feeling that something was about to happen. When I told the doctor that I had been having some contractions she told me that she thought Isaac may come at any time. Because of his condition we weren’t surprised that I was possibly going into labor early. For some reason this isn’t uncommon with Trisomy 13 babies. We also knew that we weren’t going to take any measures to stop labor and we were just going to let him come when he was ready. I called my friend, Heather shortly after leaving the doctor to let her know what they said and she said she could hear the excitement in my voice. I was so very excited to know that the time that I was going to hold my sweet Isaac was getting closer. Yes, I was nervous, scared, and sad knowing that meeting him probably also meant telling him goodbye. I knew nothing could fully prepare me for that, but I was ready. I was so ready to see the face that so many of you had been praying for for months. I was ready to not worry about him being in pain or suffering. I was physically and emotionally so tired and I was so ready for this day.

After running some last minute errands then going home and finishing Isaac and Kadynce’s outfits for the hospital I noticed my contractions getting closer and nothing was stopping them. We headed to the hospital where they decided that I was in labor and admitted me. Our little Isaac was on his way. We called family and friends and within minutes were not alone in our hospital room. We were already feeling more love than we could imagine. Things progressed slowly, which we were thankful for. We had family coming in from out of town that we wanted to meet Isaac and we just weren’t sure how long we would have with him. After getting a few hours of sleep morning came and so did many, many visitors. Our room was constantly buzzing with people and for that we will forever be thankful. They did a few things to help my labor progress and by noon we were ready to have our sweet baby. Right before I began pushing I remember trying to recall the last time I had felt him move wondering if he was going to be born alive. I so wanted him to live, if only for a few minutes. The Lord answered my prayers when Isaac Preston Hunt was born ALIVE and crying at 12:20 pm. I really think I heard him make noises before he was even all the way out. I didn’t even have to ask anyone if he was breathing because I knew before I even saw him that he was and I will always be so thankful for that. When they put him on my chest all I could do was tell him how pretty he was and how much I love him. He was perfect! His cleft lip didn’t matter. He was perfect! He was making little noises and moving his little mouth. It was just so sweet. The next few minutes Jonathan and I spent singing to him and just telling him how much we loved him. Oh we love him so much. We invited everyone back in as soon as we could because we wanted others to meet him before he went to heaven. Seeing everyone see him for the first time was beyond amazing. For hours family and friends held, rocked, and kissed our sweet Isaac. Sometime about 2 hours later (we’re not exactly sure when) he peacefully slipped from our arms into the arms of our Jesus. He was never in distress and didn’t seem to suffer one bit. What an answered prayer that was for this mommy. I had been so, so worried about that for months and I didn’t have to worry anymore. He was at peace. We were blessed to keep him in our room until about 9:00 that evening when the funeral home came and got his body. It was time. His body was getting cold and stiff and it was getting hard for me to see him that way. I knew that he wasn’t cold because he was in heaven, but it was still hard. Swaddling him for the last time and placing him in the basket to be taken away was the hardest moment of mine and Jonathan’s life, but oh how blessed we were to hold him and love on him, even if for only 9 hours. As I was kissing him for the last time all I could do was say “thank you” to God for our sweet Isaac. (to be continued)







Pictures taken by NILMDTS

Isaac's Story by Steve Adler

I am planning on telling Isaac's birth story from my point of view in the next few days. I have just been taking a little bit of time to rest both physically and emotionally. This is his story as written by our good friend, Steve Adler. He read it at the memorial service and it just meant so much to us that we wanted to share it with you all.

To reiterate what Jonathan said last night, we cannot thank all of you enough for your prayers, love, and support over the last months and especially the last few days. You have all been the perfect example of the body of Christ and we are eternally grateful.




Isaac’s story begins two days before Christmas last year. God had given Jonathan and Kacie a gift, and God would use the next several months to give them more gifts and blessings, and teach them more than they could have ever expected. They were so excited to learn that they were expecting another baby. Then the next month, January, was busy and included a move from Dallas to Round Rock, and though there were some difficulties, they were assured of the baby’s health when they heard his heart beat.

At twelve weeks the doctors noticed some irregularities during an ultrasound. Jonathan and Kacie were made aware that there could be possible complications, and while anxious, they still didn’t think it was life-threatening. Three weeks later, they learned that the baby had multiple anomalies - and all of them serious. After more tests, it was concluded that the baby would not live long, if at all. An amniocentesis allowed the doctors to diagnose Trisomy 13, and medically declare the baby “incompatible with life.”

Devastated, Jonathan and Kacie were put in a position they never imagined themselves in. Jonathan recalls, “I’ve always believed I would never even consider an abortion, but when put in that situation and all the doctors selling termination as the best thing to do, it seemed like a real option. It made sense.” But God had not given this baby (or this opportunity) to them in order for them to quit or take the easy way out. Terminating was never a real option. This was not their child - it was God’s. God had given them a gift - for their joy and for His glory. And they were determined to protect this life and glorify God with it.

Shortly after, Kacie wrote on her blog: “Just as the Lord called Abraham to offer his son to him as a sacrifice, we believe that as parents we should always remember that our children are not ours. They are the Lord’s, and it is not about the plan that we have for them but it is about His plan. That is why we have chosen the name Isaac for our precious son. It is a reminder that his life (no matter how long or short it is here on earth) is for the glory of the Lord.”

The next few months were extremely hard knowing that he wouldn’t live, and that in reality, his heart could stop at any time. But the Lord gave strength, and while it was hard, Jonathan and Kacie made every effort not to mourn a life still being lived. They celebrated the small moments: his sonograms, his kicks, and hearing his heartbeat. God gave unexplainable peace during this terrible storm, and comforted them through overwhelming support and prayers offered by family, friends, and the body of Christ.

About three weeks ago, Jonathan and Kacie took a much needed family trip to Colorado. They relaxed and spent some time in the mountains, all the while God gently reminding them of His majesty and preparing them to see Isaac only two days after arriving back home. Friday night Kacie went into labor at 33 weeks and the flood of emotions was in full effect. Fear of the unknown. Excitement. Nervousness. Chaos. Peace. Grief. Joy. All being experienced at the same time. And Saturday was no different. So many mixed emotions, but one thing remained constant and unchanged - God is good.

At 12:20 pm, Isaac was born at just over 4 pounds and (taking after his dad), almost 18 inches long! He was born alive, whimpering, and breathing calmly - all things that were not normal for Trisomy 13 babies, but all things that were prayed for and answered according to God’s mercy, and saying “yes” to the prayers of His people. Sometime during the next two hours (and no one can even say exactly when), Isaac slipped away very peacefully - again, not normal for babies in his condition. Isaac’s life was short, but it was not wasted. There are few words that can describe those two short hours.

Meaningful.
And Powerful come to mind.

In that room there was a tremendous amount of grief and pain mixed with an indescribable joy and happiness. They had heard another couple describe the loss of their child as “a sacred dance of grief and joy, with joy taking the lead in the dance.” This perfectly described Jonathan and Kacie’s experience. Almost all of their memories of that day are happy memories. And they have never felt so loved, so much a part of the body of Christ, as they have these last few days.

Eighteen weeks ago, they had the choice to terminate and miss all this. But they knew that Isaac’s life would unite people in love. They knew it would bring more joy than sadness. They knew it would (and already has) opened the door for the gospel to be shared. And they knew they had been trusted with a tremendous opportunity to proclaim the faithfulness, the goodness, and the sovereignty of a holy God. They had been set aside to glorify God in a unique way, and I am so grateful for their God-centered response. Like Job, their lives have answered every question simply and powerfully, “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Either way, blessed be the name of the Lord.”

A SPECIAL THANK YOU!

This blog is being posted by Jonathan (Kacie's Husband)

We just wanted to send out a special "thanks" to all who came out to Isaac's memorial service today. The amount of people who showed up to support us blew our minds. It was a wonderful time together as we celebrated Isaac's life, but more importantly we celebrated God's faithfulness and sovereignty.  Kacie and I hope that Isaac's life would continue to bless you, to draw you closer to Christ, and to display His glory and His faithfulness. Many of you have asked how we are doing, and I know many of you expect us to be extremely sad and grieving. Just so you know we are sad and we are grieving the loss of our precious son. However, the joy and excitement that we have experienced over the last 4 days, and truly over the last 33 weeks, has by far outweighed the sadness and grief.

We are honored to share Isaac's life with you - so please take a few minutes to watch the following video of Isaac's story. We hope that God touches you through him like he has us.

Expectations

I am a people pleaser. When I think someone is unhappy with me my stomach is in knots and I just feel sick. The past 18 weeks have been no different because although my world has been turned upside down,I am still me. That desire to please everyone, especially those closest to me is still very present. It has been the biggest balancing act ever! I haven't wanted people to be worried about me or to be sad when I might not have even been sad myself, but I have wanted to be genuine with my feelings. I feel like some people have expected me to be sad all the time, while other's expect me to be constantly "strong" and begin to worry if I have a bad day. I feel like some people think the only emotion associated with Isaac is sadness. This is not true for me. He has and will bring me much joy, although I know much sadness will be involved as well. He is just as much my baby as Kadynce is and I love him so very much. I love it when people talk about him like a "normal" baby and don't focus on everything he has wrong.

I know some of you are probably thinking "my goodness, why does she worry so much about what other's think or say?". The truth is I know I shouldn't as much as I do, but that is just me. I think part of it is that I have wanted to handle this in the way that God will get the most glory. I have had so many people tell me how good of a witness I have been or how they have been impressed at my strength. That means so much to me, but it makes me wonder if I had handled things any differently or had not been "strong" would that have made me any less of a witness for the Lord?

A sweet friend told me not too long ago that if I wanted to run in the street naked I could and that she would not judge me because she has never been where I am and has no idea how she would react. Don't worry I have another dear friend that said under no circumstances would she let me do that :). This meant a lot to me though because she was acknowledging that since she has never been where I am, there is no way she will know how I feel. There have been days when people have told me they have no idea what to say to me, but they just wanted to let me know that they love me. That has meant the world to me.

I am scared and I am tired, but I am also very much looking forward to meeting our sweet Isaac. I really have no idea what the next couple of months (I am currently 33 weeks) are going to look like. I do know that God is good. While I will continue to try to handle each day as gracefully as I know how it is ok for me to be weak. I know that ultimately I will get through this because of the strength the Lord gives me, but that does not mean that I can't have bad or "weak" days. It is also ok for me to be happy and to "forget" about trisomy 13 from time to time and just enjoy my baby. I have family and friends that have helped me come to the realization that the Lord gives us others to lean on and to help us through the hard times. Trying to meet everyone's expectations is beginning to drain me. In the coming weeks I am going to have to focus on our immediate family and what is best for us. I know that everyone is not going to agree with every decision we make and it will be hard, but we're doing the best we know how.

Thank you so much to our faithful prayer warriors. We appreciate each one of you so much! Also thank you for the calls, text messages, and sweet cards full of encouragement. We feel very loved and blessed.

Colorado day 6!

Today was our last day before heading back to Greenville to stay with my parents and pick up Bella. We loaded up this morning said goodbye to the beautiful Rockies. This was the view from the front of the campground as we were leaving.


We made it back to my Grandparent's just in time for lunch. Grandmamma had made roast, mashed potatoes, green beans, Mac n cheese, rolls, and dump cake! It was soooooo yummy! Kadynce skipped her afternoon nap since she slept in the car this morning. She rode in the golf cart with Granddaddy for what seemed like hours. She did not want to get out as you can tell in this picture.


They stopped by the river to say hi to the rafters.



We had a good last dinner all together.


We are so thankful to Grandmamma and Granddaddy for allowing us to use their car, truck, and RV this week. Not to mention feeding us and loving on us and Kadynce. Such sweet memories were made and we will cherish them forever!

Colorado day 5!

This morning we ate at "Fruit Shake" again. It was just so good and fresh and I really wanted to try one of their smoothies. After breakfast we walked around downtown going in and out of little shops. I had to take frequent breaks to sit because walking in this altitude is a little hard right now, but it was a lot of fun.



We had lunch at a place that Uncle Perry and Aunt Karen recommend called "Poppy's". It was yummy and had a great view of the river.


Kadynce being a Moose by the river.


After naptime we decided to stay at the campground for the evening. We roasted hot dogs for dinner, then had root beer floats provided by the camp. They were a HUGE hit with Kadynce. I looked away for a few seconds and when I looked back she was pouring it into her mouth and all over her shirt! We couldn't stop laughing!






The theme of the campground is Yogi bear so we just had to take this picture for Uncle Boo Boo before we went in for the night.

Colorado day 4: Rocky Mountain National Park

This morning we got up and had breakfast at a place called "Fruit Shake". They have all sorts of smoothies, bagels, and wraps. We got Kadynce a frozen yogurt/granola/fruit parfait thinking she would love it. I mean it was basically like having ice cream for breakfast. Nope. She wanted Daddy's breakfast burrito so Mommy and Daddy shared the parfait ;)


Next we headed to Rocky Mountain National Park. We stopped at the first visitors center and asked what we should do. We were clueless and that place is HUGE! She gave us several good options and we chose to go on a 50 mile drive (one way) through the mountains and Moose country to Grand Lake. We drove up all the way to 12000 ft at one point! We stopped at a little pond to have lunch and there just happened to be a MOOSE eating there too!






A little down the road we saw 2 more and then another one on our way back. So we saw a total of 4 moose today (or Moof as Kadynce says). We were really excited. It took us a total of about 3 hours to reach the lake and Kadynce was very excited to get out and run around.


It was beautiful and we were very glad we chose that drive. It only took us about an hour and a half to get back "home" since we didn't stop as much. This evening we enjoyed sitting outside the RV for a little while before going to town for dinner.


We're now watching a little Toy Story 2 before bed!



We had such a good day enjoying God's beautiful creation.

Colorado day 3!

Today was a day of mostly packing up and traveling. Kadynce was in a MUCH better mood today. We spent the morning just playing outside and riding around in the golf cart. After a delicious lunch fixed by Grandmamma we headed out. It took about 4 hours to get to our destination.






When we got here it was raining pretty hard and continued to on and off the rest of the evening so we didn't get to explore too much, but our campsite is really nice. We went into town and had a burger and now we're watching Toy Story! It was a good day :)

Colorado day 2!

We had another great day! Although Kadynce threw one fit after another. I think it's a mixture of not getting enough sleep and being a little spoiled. I feel like discipline is so hard at this age. I don't want to be too hard on her, but having a complete meltdown at every meal and anytime we say "no" just isn't going to cut it. So.... If any of you Mommies out there have suggestions feel free to share ;)

Back to out trip... We really did have a fun day. After sleeping in a little and a wonderful breakfast we headed out to do some fishing. Granddaddy caught 2 and Jonathan and I each caught 1. We were there almost 3 hours and Kadynce had a lot of fun running around, chasing the ducks away, and playing with Grandmamma.









This evening we ate at one of my favorite restaurants, Quincy's. It was just as delicious as always. I love me some steak!!!! After dinner we went to the park and got some ice cream.





We are so thankful to have this sweet time to enjoy being with family and making precious memories. Tomorrow we head out to our next stop where just the three of us will camp in the RV for a few days.

Colorado Day 1

We arrived here yesterday around 5:30. We had supper and enjoyed the cool breeze on the front porch. Next we headed to town to watch the firework show. Kadynce loved it! She had so much energy from being in the car all day she was literally running in circles. After a good night's sleep Miss Priss woke up nice and early around 6:15 (7:15 Texas time) and immediately wanted to go outside. So Daddy took her to the river in her PJs! Gotta love vacation :)






After a delicious breakfast made by Granddaddy we headed up to St. Elmo to feed the chipmunks. Kadynce loved them and even patted a few on the head lol.





We then decided to head up toward tincup pass in the ATV. We weren't really sure how far we would make it between me being 31 wks pregnant, Kadynce never having done anything like that before, and the snow. We actually made it almost to the top though and we all had a really good time. Here's Kadynce and Granddaddy on our way up.






We stopped before we turned around to have a snack and stretch our legs. It felt so good up there and the scenery was breathtaking!






Kadynce actually fell asleep on the trail on the way back down. It was so bumpy I couldn't believe it, but she was sacked out!






This evening we had a yummy dinner with sweet family and friends. Tomorrow, we plan to do some trout fishing if the weather agrees!

Vacation Beginnings

We left Thursday night and headed to Greenville to spend a few nights with my parents and celebrate July 4th at the lake. Friday we met up with Mrs. Cheryl and Elizabeth at Tamolly's for lunch. We had such a good time. I can't believe I hadn't seen Elizabeth since before Kadynce was born. I just LOVE these sweet ladies.



Saturday morning I needed to pick up a few things at the store which in Greenville means going to Walmart. Let me just tell you by the time I fought the holiday crowd there then sat in construction in the 100 degree weather this is about how I was feeling. I'm pretty sure most of you Greenvillites understand :)



Kadynce had a really good time getting to be a country girl for a few days. Running around in her diaper with all the doggies and her Nana and Tata. She was in heaven!



Sunday was the big 4th of July bash at the lake. It was sooo hot this year and there wasn't really even a breeze, but we still had a great time.









Right now as we speak we are on the road to Colorado. We left around 4:20 this morning and can't wait to get there and see Granddaddy and Grandmamma. We are also very much looking forward to much cooler temperatures!