Daddy Daughter Dance

Friday night was the Daddy Daughter Dance at church.  Kadynce had been looking forward to this since I bought her dress shortly after Christmas.  She had been practicing the chicken dance every day and she was thrilled when they played it twice.  Kadynce and Jonathan both had a lot of fun and I enjoyed serving cookies to all of the adorable little girls and their sweet daddies.  Here are a few pictures from before the dance as well as a video.

Tis so sweet...

First of all I want to thank all of you that wished me a happy birthday on facebook yesterday. Each message meant so much to me! We celebrated my 25th birthday Tuesday night by going to see Wicked (thank you Mom and Dad)! I have wanted to see it since my senior year in high school so it was definitely a long awaited treat. Some sweet friends happened to have tickets for the same night and they took us out to eat before the show at Maggianos. It was an absolutely perfect night!

On another note and at the risk of being a little bit of a downer, I have been having a hard time with something lately. Those of you that know me well know that I am a very positive person. I almost always see the glass half full and can't stand it when all people do is complain. I am also VERY trusting. I wear my heart on my sleeve and assume the best of people, especially those closest to me. No, I don't expect anyone to be perfect, just trustworthy. It feels like lately I have been let down by so many people. Some close to me, some not so much, but either way each time it has hurt. While thinking about this last night it suddenly occurred to me why this keeps happening. Why my heart has been broken over and over. I am putting my trust in PEOPLE. The only One that I should really be putting my trust in is God. I mean I think you should be able to trust those that you love. I don't think simply being human excuses us of being untrustworthy or just plain unthoughtful or mean. I think it's a fine line though. When other people let us down we shouldn't let that completely ruin our day or determine our worth. That's what was happening to me. Each time someone hurt my feelings or didn't follow through with what they said they would I completely took it to heart. I was feeling completely worthless.

My Jesus loves me. I am important to Him and He will never let me down. My trust needs to be placed in Him. 

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
by:Louisa M.R. Stead

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”
 

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Shaky Earrings and ABCs

My baby girl is growing up so fast. She had been asking her Tata for "shaky earrings" for about a month now. Today she got some from Nana and Tata and she was one happy little girl. She kept shaking her head and showing everyone at church that would look. I thought it was especially cute when she kept showing her friend Logan. He didn't care about them one bit, but she sure was proud. Here she is showing them off mid "shake".



As if getting big girl earrings isn't enough growing up for one day, she decided tonight she would recite the ABCs for us. I didn't even know she could do this.

I have loved watching Kadynce go from a little baby, to a toddler, to a sweet little girl with a personality of her own. She loves to play anything pretend. Her baby dolls are her favorite, but she also loves her party kitchen, trains, and horses.

Thank you Lord for giving us this blessing and entrusting us to raise her to be a disciple for you.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Ok, ok maybe I'm a little (or a lot) late, but I hope everyone is having a great and very blessed 2012 so far. While talking with a very sweet and wise friend the other day I started having a pity party. I couldn't help but talk about how bad 2011 had been. Even after Isaac was born and went to be with Jesus it felt like I just couldn't pick myself or our family up. Just as I began to feel some sort of emotional strength something would happen and knock me flat on my face again. This is when I was gently reminded by my friend that I had a very BLESSED year. Hard, definitely, but blessed without a doubt. God is good and He never left my side even when I wasn't very happy with him (no I'm not perfect).

So here's to a new year and a new perspective. It may be a month late, but it's the thought that counts right?

170 Ounces

When Kadynce was a couple of months old one of my favorite bloggers posted on her blog that she was helping collect breastmilk donations for a baby whose mother had passed away shortly after giving birth.  The mother had been very passionate about wanting to nurse her baby and when she passed away her husband wanted the baby to still be able to have breastmilk.  He began excepting donations from women that were willing to give this precious gift.  I was not able to nurse Kadynce for long because of various complications, but when I read this story I remember saying "if I ever had a surplus of milk I would without a doubt want to donate it."  It's crazy awesome how the Lord works.  When I was pregnant with Isaac I realized one day that I was going to have that "surplus" because more than likely my baby would not get the chance to have it himself.  I wondered if even thinking of pumping and donating my milk made me crazy and didn't mention the idea to anyone, but a really close friend.  When my midwife mentioned it to me at a routine prenatal appointment I knew that was exactly what I was supposed to do.  She told me that sometimes it actually helped with the emotional healing process after losing a baby and she gave me the information to contact the Milk Bank to see what steps needed to be taken to become a donor.

This may sound strange, but in the last few weeks leading up to Isaac's birth donating my milk actually gave me something to look forward to.  I felt that even though I couldn't help my baby this was something I could do to help other little ones struggling for their life.  After Isaac was born I started pumping and continued to do so for 6 weeks.  Pumping 3 times a day allowed me to be able to donate 170 ounces to The Mother's Milk Bank for sick babies.  I had originally intended to do this for longer, but my body and my heart were ready to let go.  


















This post was in no way to say "look what I did" or to be thought of as bragging.  I was not able to find much information about donating breastmilk after losing a baby prior to Isaac's birth.  I wanted to put this out there in case someone in a similar situation happens to stumble upon this.  I feel like this really did help me emotionally in the weeks after losing our precious boy.  I still felt like a Mommy.  I felt like a part of Isaac was still with me.  I am so glad I made the decision I did.  If anyone has any questions about donating breastmilk please feel free to contact me at kaciehunt@gmail.com.  I would LOVE to talk to you!

Nana's Heart Part Two

Isaac’s Perfect Day

Saturday dawned, and a group of sleep deprived family and friends wondered between the hospital room and waiting room, visited, hugged, made furniture into riding toys (yes adults), took pictures, checked on Isaacs progress and came up with various other ways to entertain themselves. Despite the lack of sleep and nerves, there was only a spirit of love and anticipation. I watched Kacie and Jonathan greet each person with love and gratitude for coming, when they should have been overwhelmed and exhausted. I watched Kacie interact on a professional level with the doctors, midwives and her angel-on-earth-nurse, Allison, since she is an RN herself, and marveled at God’s infinite wisdom in placing Kacie in Antepartum (high risk pregnancy) in her first nursing job. A coincidence? I think not. By mid-morning, Tori brought Kadynce back to the hospital and she provided new entertainment for us. At 21 months, she knew there was a baby she called Isaacs, in her mommy’s tummy, but of course she wasn’t able to understand all that was going on. Also about that time, the Lord sent another angel to be a part of this special day. Sandy Allen, who is an Austin photographer and also affiliated with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, fit in like family and provided a priceless gift that would have taken away our own sweet time with Isaac had she not been there. And I knew then, that that room was filled with angels both seen, and unseen.

Noon rolled around, and seemingly all of sudden, it was time; the appointed time for Isaac to make his entrance. It was really probably comical as the doctor said those words and we all scrambled to our appointed places. Most family and friends left to wait anxiously outside, Sandy climbed on her perch with camera in hand, I grabbed the video camera reminding myself to be careful of where not to aim, and Jonathan took his place by Kacie to encourage her while bringing their beloved son into the world. I told them that I loved them and would be praying continually. At 12:20 p.m. the midwife had Kacie reach down and touch Isaac’s head and tears began to seep from my eyes as Isaac Preston Hunt took his first breath. When he did, it took my breath away and I thought my heart would explode with joy. He was making noises and moving. He was very much alive! My eyes darted back and forth between him, his mommy and his daddy as I tried to take in every precious moment. Allison laid Isaac on Kacie’s chest and he made the sweetest little snorts I’d ever heard. I thanked my Father for answered prayer as I watched my baby girl sing sweetly to her baby boy and again as Jonathan cut the cord for his son. Kacie looked at me and said “Mom, do you want to hold him?” Oh how I did. I took Isaac in my arms and tried to soak in every detail of our beautiful boy and commit them to memory. I started singing to him, one of the same silly songs that I had made up with Kadynce, and I was completely, completely overwhelmed with love and joy and gratitude, and I allowed myself to weep for a few seconds as I held my grandson close, kissed him and told him how much his nana loved him. I handed him back to Kacie, not wanting to take any precious time away from them or others who were waiting on pins and needles to meet him. I shakily grabbed the video camera again so as not to miss a single moment of memories. They were almost finished getting Kacie ready for everyone to come back in, and much to my extreme delight, Jonathan asked me if I wanted to put Isaac’s diaper on him. Now, I know not many people would get excited about that, but to me it’s an act of love and believe or not it’s been a time of bonding for Kadynce and I. I was beyond excited as I placed him in the bassinet. I unwrapped his blanket and told him he was such a long skinny boy that I thought he would be playing basketball in heaven. I told him there were lots of people that couldn’t wait to meet him and some of them had come from a long way, just to see him. Just before I finished, everyone came back in and encircled us, staring in awe at this tiny miracle. It was one of many incredible moments of Isaac’s perfect day. His Tata got to hold him next and watching Kevin communicate his love for his grandson grabbed my heart again. Have I mentioned how grateful I was? His Uncle Booboo and Aunt Susan took their turns next, followed by the rest of his prayer/fan club. Everyone that held that baby looked at him the same way, with a mixture of unconditional love, awe and a desire to hold onto the moment. As I thought about what was going on, I couldn’t help but compare Kacie and Jonathan to Mary and Joseph. Here was their beloved son, who was only theirs here on earth for a short time, but they knew that his life would make a difference in the world. They had made a decision before hand to selflessly share Isaac with everyone that was there and wanted to meet him even if it took away some of their own time. I was completely humbled to be in that room, to be their mom and Isaac’s nana. I know many people won’t understand this either, but that room was filled to overflowing with love and joy and victory. Prayers of a multitude of friends and believers we’ve not met yet carried us, and His peace did indeed surpass our own understanding. We were led to seek God’s joy by a young couple that God chose to be Isaac’s mommy and daddy. And when they chose to honor God in their every decision concerning their son, He in turn honored them with a perfect, beautiful boy on Isaac’s perfect day.

She Calls Him Isaacs!

I wrote a note to Kadynce in Isaac’s memory book, that one of the first things he probably told God when he slipped into heaven was “Wow God, you did good! You gave me the best big sister ever!” She was included in Isaac’s journey from the beginning and got to go to most of the ultrasound appts. In the videos that Jonathan would send us you could here her matching the pitch of the heartbeat and later on in the pregnancy she recognized the pictures and called him “Isaacs” or “beby”. When she got to the hospital on Isaac’s birthday you could tell she was concerned about Kacie and would touch her or love on her hand, but she was scared of getting in the bed with her. Tata took her exploring several times that morning and she chilled with me some too in the room, while we were waiting on her brother to arrive. Once Isaac got here, nothing else mattered to her. Isaacs was her beby. I held her up to look at him while Kevin was holding him and she wanted him. When Carson was holding him, she tried to take him. That bed that she was afraid to get in, she couldn’t climb into it fast enough to sit beside her Isaacs. She needed to touch him, to feel him, to love him. She shared his pacifier with him J, she kissed him, she bathed him, and she rocked him very determinedly by herself. He was her beby. That evening Kevin, Carson and I took her home while Isaacs was still at the hospital and I wondered what we were going to do the next morning when we went back to the hospital and he wasn’t there. When we got there on Sunday morning we went through our routine of letting her push the elevator buttons and push the door buzzer to be admitted to the maternity floor. Kevin was carrying her and as we turned the corner to go down the hall to the room she said “Isaacs, beby!” Kevin and I just looked at each other as our hearts broke for our girl. All I could think to say was “Isaacs has gone to be with Jesus.” We went into the room and she frantically searched for her beby, her Isaacs and began to cry and get mad when he wasn’t there. I took her, held her close and said the words again “Isaacs has gone to be with Jesus.” All of a sudden it was as if she understood that time and she wasn’t upset anymore. She took the two pictures of Isaac that Jonathan had given us and I let her have them. She keeps them with her toys and my heart just smiles when she looks at them and she calls him Isaacs.

How to Help a Grieving Friend

I know that I can’t take away Kacie and Jonathan’s pain and they will always have an Isaac shaped hole in their hearts. God has and will continue to give them the strength they need to go on, but in the mean time they still have a long grieving process to go through. I know that on any given day someone might ask me how I am and I’m ok, but someone else can ask me in an hour and I cry my eyes out. That is nothing compared to what they are feeling and going through. The one thing that I can do though is to let you know about some very insightful blog posts by Molly Piper about how to help your grieving friend. She and her husband Abraham lost a full term, beautiful, healthy baby girl at birth several years ago and has incredible words of wisdom. I have included the link below.

http://mollypiper.com/2008/03/how-to-help-your-grieving-friend/

Thanks for letting me share my heart Kacie! I love you!

Nana's Heart

My mom asked a few weeks ago if she could do a guest post on my blog about Isaac. I told her that I would love for her to and here it is...

NANA’S HEART
Part One – Journey of Joy

Friday morning, March 11, 2011, Kacie had her 15-week pre-natal checkup. My mind didn’t have the discipline to stay on task at work. It constantly wondered thru every imaginable scenario of what Kacie and Jonathan were being told. Just three weeks earlier we had learned that there was a possibility that our sweet grandchild could have some abnormalities, possibly Down’s syndrome, and even a risk of Trisomy 13 or 18. Down’s syndrome was not scary to us. Kacie and I both had experience with special needs children and God has given us a special love for them. But I was not familiar with Trisomy 13 or 18, and so I began to read everything I could on the Internet about them; heartbreak would be the prognosis for our kids, if indeed that was what the diagnosis was. Finally, Kacie called and I could feel my heart racing as I answered and she said, “Mom, it’s not good. …it’s not good at all.” Fear and anguish gripped me as I listened to her name all of the things that were broken on our precious baby, and that they had done an amnio to confirm exactly what was wrong. In that moment I knew that there was nothing that I could say to make it better and I felt completely helpless. A mommy always knows how to make it better, right? I called Kevin immediately and I knew that he felt as helpless as I did. Like Jonathan said earlier, dads want to fix things, and this was something beyond Kevin’s capabilities, too. I floated in a fog the remainder of the morning and when I went to lunch, I just sat in the car and cried out to God for help. My thoughts and pleas bounced from asking for wisdom to help Kacie and Jonathan, to asking for a miracle for our grandson and pleading for his life, to telling God I was scared for our kids and questioning how they were going to be able to make it thru this pregnancy knowing the outcome was a baby “not compatible with life”. I went back to work in that same fog and shared what I had just learned with some of my co-workers, but I knew they had no idea of the severity of the situation or just how broken my heart was for our children. I simply couldn’t wait to get home. In Gods, perfect timing, Jonathan, Kacie and Kadynce had already planned to spend that week with us and Carson was coming home as well, since it was spring break. Just being together was a comfort for all of us.

For me, that first week was the hardest and seems almost surreal now. There were so many tears, so many “what ifs” yet be answered, and so many emotions to work through. And while I knew God was in complete control and I kept Psalms 139:13-15 always at the forefront of my mind, I still worried about Kacie and Jonathan, about Kacie’s physical health, and about our grandson. I continued to lean on my Father for strength that was beyond my own grasp. And He began to reveal things that I could never have imagined.

Very quickly, Jonathan and Kacie made a decision about the direction Isaac’s story would take and I realized my front row seat in this journey was priceless. From the second that they chose the name Isaac Preston for our little miracle, and explained the reason why, I knew that Isaac’s life was going to be big, no matter how long or short it was, it would be big. As the pregnancy progressed, I watched in awe as Kacie and Jonathan trusted the Lord at every turn. Naturally, as Mom/Nana, I still hurt for our kids and would have taken on their pain in an instant, but my own prayers turned from being frantic in the beginning to being focused and specific; for Isaac to reach certain milestones, for Kacie not to have any complications such as gestational diabetes or high blood pressure, for our sweet baby to be born alive even if for only a few minutes, but only if that meant he would have no pain and would not struggle for any reason. These were my constant prayers, but I also had one selfish prayer. I so wanted to feel Isaac move because I knew that depending on the circumstances of his birth, feeling him kick in his mommy’s tummy might be the only chance I had to feel life in him. Whenever we were together I would talk to Kacie’s tummy and tell Isaac that he needed to kick, and kick hard. Finally, the evening of July 12, that boychild minded his Nana, and my heart was filled with joy as I felt our Isaac so full of life, what a special gift. Something that started out so scary, had somewhere along the way turned into a journey of joy; joy in the little things and special moments that we so often take for granted. I was anxious to meet this little one that had so rocked our world.

As Jonathan, Kacie and Kadynce left to return to Round Rock the next day from being on vacation, I thanked God for allowing Isaac to make it that far in the pregnancy. I knew though, that Kacie was feeling miserable and that some of that misery could be due to pre-labor, and the probability of him coming early became more real. I felt a sense of urgency to be prepared to leave at a moments notice and that moment came just two days later on July 15. Kacie called around 7:15 p.m. to tell us they were going to the hospital, she wasn’t 100% sure see was in labor, but her contractions were getting stronger and closer together. That’s all it took for us, and Tata and I were on the road by 8:00. I quickly sent out a confidential prayer request to some very special prayer partners so that they could be praying for Jonathan, Kacie and Isaac and for all of us that would be traveling. Once the doctors determined they were indeed going to admit Kacie, we were able to tell the world that a very special baby had decided it was time to make his appearance. I thought I might be extremely nervous at this point, but honestly I felt only excitement. Oh, I still had the pre-delivery jitters that I think is normal before the arrival of a baby that’s important in your life. But like kids going to Disney World, Kevin and I just couldn’t wait to get there. And we weren’t the only ones. Isaac’s other grandparents and his great-grandparents, his Aunt Susan, his Uncle Booboo and friend Matt, all traveled during the night from other states and across Texas to be there. An answer to prayer, they all arrived safely as did other family and friends that came on Saturday. Isaac also had a fan club of local friends and church family who were at the hospital before we got there. They were there to meet him and to take care of anything Kacie and Jonathan might need, including the sweet Mitteness family taking Kadynce home with them for the night. And again, for the upteenth time, I thanked God for moving our kids to Round Rock to be part of an incredible family of believers that love the Lord, and love and minister to each other before the need is even spoken. Just as God had gone over, above and beyond answering our prayers and taking care of every detail, details we didn’t even know existed, for the past few months, he was faithful to continue to do so on Isaac’s Perfect Day.
To be continued…………