Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Nana's Heart Part Two

Isaac’s Perfect Day

Saturday dawned, and a group of sleep deprived family and friends wondered between the hospital room and waiting room, visited, hugged, made furniture into riding toys (yes adults), took pictures, checked on Isaacs progress and came up with various other ways to entertain themselves. Despite the lack of sleep and nerves, there was only a spirit of love and anticipation. I watched Kacie and Jonathan greet each person with love and gratitude for coming, when they should have been overwhelmed and exhausted. I watched Kacie interact on a professional level with the doctors, midwives and her angel-on-earth-nurse, Allison, since she is an RN herself, and marveled at God’s infinite wisdom in placing Kacie in Antepartum (high risk pregnancy) in her first nursing job. A coincidence? I think not. By mid-morning, Tori brought Kadynce back to the hospital and she provided new entertainment for us. At 21 months, she knew there was a baby she called Isaacs, in her mommy’s tummy, but of course she wasn’t able to understand all that was going on. Also about that time, the Lord sent another angel to be a part of this special day. Sandy Allen, who is an Austin photographer and also affiliated with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, fit in like family and provided a priceless gift that would have taken away our own sweet time with Isaac had she not been there. And I knew then, that that room was filled with angels both seen, and unseen.

Noon rolled around, and seemingly all of sudden, it was time; the appointed time for Isaac to make his entrance. It was really probably comical as the doctor said those words and we all scrambled to our appointed places. Most family and friends left to wait anxiously outside, Sandy climbed on her perch with camera in hand, I grabbed the video camera reminding myself to be careful of where not to aim, and Jonathan took his place by Kacie to encourage her while bringing their beloved son into the world. I told them that I loved them and would be praying continually. At 12:20 p.m. the midwife had Kacie reach down and touch Isaac’s head and tears began to seep from my eyes as Isaac Preston Hunt took his first breath. When he did, it took my breath away and I thought my heart would explode with joy. He was making noises and moving. He was very much alive! My eyes darted back and forth between him, his mommy and his daddy as I tried to take in every precious moment. Allison laid Isaac on Kacie’s chest and he made the sweetest little snorts I’d ever heard. I thanked my Father for answered prayer as I watched my baby girl sing sweetly to her baby boy and again as Jonathan cut the cord for his son. Kacie looked at me and said “Mom, do you want to hold him?” Oh how I did. I took Isaac in my arms and tried to soak in every detail of our beautiful boy and commit them to memory. I started singing to him, one of the same silly songs that I had made up with Kadynce, and I was completely, completely overwhelmed with love and joy and gratitude, and I allowed myself to weep for a few seconds as I held my grandson close, kissed him and told him how much his nana loved him. I handed him back to Kacie, not wanting to take any precious time away from them or others who were waiting on pins and needles to meet him. I shakily grabbed the video camera again so as not to miss a single moment of memories. They were almost finished getting Kacie ready for everyone to come back in, and much to my extreme delight, Jonathan asked me if I wanted to put Isaac’s diaper on him. Now, I know not many people would get excited about that, but to me it’s an act of love and believe or not it’s been a time of bonding for Kadynce and I. I was beyond excited as I placed him in the bassinet. I unwrapped his blanket and told him he was such a long skinny boy that I thought he would be playing basketball in heaven. I told him there were lots of people that couldn’t wait to meet him and some of them had come from a long way, just to see him. Just before I finished, everyone came back in and encircled us, staring in awe at this tiny miracle. It was one of many incredible moments of Isaac’s perfect day. His Tata got to hold him next and watching Kevin communicate his love for his grandson grabbed my heart again. Have I mentioned how grateful I was? His Uncle Booboo and Aunt Susan took their turns next, followed by the rest of his prayer/fan club. Everyone that held that baby looked at him the same way, with a mixture of unconditional love, awe and a desire to hold onto the moment. As I thought about what was going on, I couldn’t help but compare Kacie and Jonathan to Mary and Joseph. Here was their beloved son, who was only theirs here on earth for a short time, but they knew that his life would make a difference in the world. They had made a decision before hand to selflessly share Isaac with everyone that was there and wanted to meet him even if it took away some of their own time. I was completely humbled to be in that room, to be their mom and Isaac’s nana. I know many people won’t understand this either, but that room was filled to overflowing with love and joy and victory. Prayers of a multitude of friends and believers we’ve not met yet carried us, and His peace did indeed surpass our own understanding. We were led to seek God’s joy by a young couple that God chose to be Isaac’s mommy and daddy. And when they chose to honor God in their every decision concerning their son, He in turn honored them with a perfect, beautiful boy on Isaac’s perfect day.

She Calls Him Isaacs!

I wrote a note to Kadynce in Isaac’s memory book, that one of the first things he probably told God when he slipped into heaven was “Wow God, you did good! You gave me the best big sister ever!” She was included in Isaac’s journey from the beginning and got to go to most of the ultrasound appts. In the videos that Jonathan would send us you could here her matching the pitch of the heartbeat and later on in the pregnancy she recognized the pictures and called him “Isaacs” or “beby”. When she got to the hospital on Isaac’s birthday you could tell she was concerned about Kacie and would touch her or love on her hand, but she was scared of getting in the bed with her. Tata took her exploring several times that morning and she chilled with me some too in the room, while we were waiting on her brother to arrive. Once Isaac got here, nothing else mattered to her. Isaacs was her beby. I held her up to look at him while Kevin was holding him and she wanted him. When Carson was holding him, she tried to take him. That bed that she was afraid to get in, she couldn’t climb into it fast enough to sit beside her Isaacs. She needed to touch him, to feel him, to love him. She shared his pacifier with him J, she kissed him, she bathed him, and she rocked him very determinedly by herself. He was her beby. That evening Kevin, Carson and I took her home while Isaacs was still at the hospital and I wondered what we were going to do the next morning when we went back to the hospital and he wasn’t there. When we got there on Sunday morning we went through our routine of letting her push the elevator buttons and push the door buzzer to be admitted to the maternity floor. Kevin was carrying her and as we turned the corner to go down the hall to the room she said “Isaacs, beby!” Kevin and I just looked at each other as our hearts broke for our girl. All I could think to say was “Isaacs has gone to be with Jesus.” We went into the room and she frantically searched for her beby, her Isaacs and began to cry and get mad when he wasn’t there. I took her, held her close and said the words again “Isaacs has gone to be with Jesus.” All of a sudden it was as if she understood that time and she wasn’t upset anymore. She took the two pictures of Isaac that Jonathan had given us and I let her have them. She keeps them with her toys and my heart just smiles when she looks at them and she calls him Isaacs.

How to Help a Grieving Friend

I know that I can’t take away Kacie and Jonathan’s pain and they will always have an Isaac shaped hole in their hearts. God has and will continue to give them the strength they need to go on, but in the mean time they still have a long grieving process to go through. I know that on any given day someone might ask me how I am and I’m ok, but someone else can ask me in an hour and I cry my eyes out. That is nothing compared to what they are feeling and going through. The one thing that I can do though is to let you know about some very insightful blog posts by Molly Piper about how to help your grieving friend. She and her husband Abraham lost a full term, beautiful, healthy baby girl at birth several years ago and has incredible words of wisdom. I have included the link below.

Thanks for letting me share my heart Kacie! I love you!

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