Nana's Heart

My mom asked a few weeks ago if she could do a guest post on my blog about Isaac. I told her that I would love for her to and here it is...

NANA’S HEART
Part One – Journey of Joy

Friday morning, March 11, 2011, Kacie had her 15-week pre-natal checkup. My mind didn’t have the discipline to stay on task at work. It constantly wondered thru every imaginable scenario of what Kacie and Jonathan were being told. Just three weeks earlier we had learned that there was a possibility that our sweet grandchild could have some abnormalities, possibly Down’s syndrome, and even a risk of Trisomy 13 or 18. Down’s syndrome was not scary to us. Kacie and I both had experience with special needs children and God has given us a special love for them. But I was not familiar with Trisomy 13 or 18, and so I began to read everything I could on the Internet about them; heartbreak would be the prognosis for our kids, if indeed that was what the diagnosis was. Finally, Kacie called and I could feel my heart racing as I answered and she said, “Mom, it’s not good. …it’s not good at all.” Fear and anguish gripped me as I listened to her name all of the things that were broken on our precious baby, and that they had done an amnio to confirm exactly what was wrong. In that moment I knew that there was nothing that I could say to make it better and I felt completely helpless. A mommy always knows how to make it better, right? I called Kevin immediately and I knew that he felt as helpless as I did. Like Jonathan said earlier, dads want to fix things, and this was something beyond Kevin’s capabilities, too. I floated in a fog the remainder of the morning and when I went to lunch, I just sat in the car and cried out to God for help. My thoughts and pleas bounced from asking for wisdom to help Kacie and Jonathan, to asking for a miracle for our grandson and pleading for his life, to telling God I was scared for our kids and questioning how they were going to be able to make it thru this pregnancy knowing the outcome was a baby “not compatible with life”. I went back to work in that same fog and shared what I had just learned with some of my co-workers, but I knew they had no idea of the severity of the situation or just how broken my heart was for our children. I simply couldn’t wait to get home. In Gods, perfect timing, Jonathan, Kacie and Kadynce had already planned to spend that week with us and Carson was coming home as well, since it was spring break. Just being together was a comfort for all of us.

For me, that first week was the hardest and seems almost surreal now. There were so many tears, so many “what ifs” yet be answered, and so many emotions to work through. And while I knew God was in complete control and I kept Psalms 139:13-15 always at the forefront of my mind, I still worried about Kacie and Jonathan, about Kacie’s physical health, and about our grandson. I continued to lean on my Father for strength that was beyond my own grasp. And He began to reveal things that I could never have imagined.

Very quickly, Jonathan and Kacie made a decision about the direction Isaac’s story would take and I realized my front row seat in this journey was priceless. From the second that they chose the name Isaac Preston for our little miracle, and explained the reason why, I knew that Isaac’s life was going to be big, no matter how long or short it was, it would be big. As the pregnancy progressed, I watched in awe as Kacie and Jonathan trusted the Lord at every turn. Naturally, as Mom/Nana, I still hurt for our kids and would have taken on their pain in an instant, but my own prayers turned from being frantic in the beginning to being focused and specific; for Isaac to reach certain milestones, for Kacie not to have any complications such as gestational diabetes or high blood pressure, for our sweet baby to be born alive even if for only a few minutes, but only if that meant he would have no pain and would not struggle for any reason. These were my constant prayers, but I also had one selfish prayer. I so wanted to feel Isaac move because I knew that depending on the circumstances of his birth, feeling him kick in his mommy’s tummy might be the only chance I had to feel life in him. Whenever we were together I would talk to Kacie’s tummy and tell Isaac that he needed to kick, and kick hard. Finally, the evening of July 12, that boychild minded his Nana, and my heart was filled with joy as I felt our Isaac so full of life, what a special gift. Something that started out so scary, had somewhere along the way turned into a journey of joy; joy in the little things and special moments that we so often take for granted. I was anxious to meet this little one that had so rocked our world.

As Jonathan, Kacie and Kadynce left to return to Round Rock the next day from being on vacation, I thanked God for allowing Isaac to make it that far in the pregnancy. I knew though, that Kacie was feeling miserable and that some of that misery could be due to pre-labor, and the probability of him coming early became more real. I felt a sense of urgency to be prepared to leave at a moments notice and that moment came just two days later on July 15. Kacie called around 7:15 p.m. to tell us they were going to the hospital, she wasn’t 100% sure see was in labor, but her contractions were getting stronger and closer together. That’s all it took for us, and Tata and I were on the road by 8:00. I quickly sent out a confidential prayer request to some very special prayer partners so that they could be praying for Jonathan, Kacie and Isaac and for all of us that would be traveling. Once the doctors determined they were indeed going to admit Kacie, we were able to tell the world that a very special baby had decided it was time to make his appearance. I thought I might be extremely nervous at this point, but honestly I felt only excitement. Oh, I still had the pre-delivery jitters that I think is normal before the arrival of a baby that’s important in your life. But like kids going to Disney World, Kevin and I just couldn’t wait to get there. And we weren’t the only ones. Isaac’s other grandparents and his great-grandparents, his Aunt Susan, his Uncle Booboo and friend Matt, all traveled during the night from other states and across Texas to be there. An answer to prayer, they all arrived safely as did other family and friends that came on Saturday. Isaac also had a fan club of local friends and church family who were at the hospital before we got there. They were there to meet him and to take care of anything Kacie and Jonathan might need, including the sweet Mitteness family taking Kadynce home with them for the night. And again, for the upteenth time, I thanked God for moving our kids to Round Rock to be part of an incredible family of believers that love the Lord, and love and minister to each other before the need is even spoken. Just as God had gone over, above and beyond answering our prayers and taking care of every detail, details we didn’t even know existed, for the past few months, he was faithful to continue to do so on Isaac’s Perfect Day.
To be continued…………