What do I say?????

"My friend just lost their baby.  What do I say to them?  What do I do?"  This is a post that I have been meaning to write for some time now.  I wish I didn't need to.  I wish I didn't get this question as often as I do.  Losing a baby is something that I wish nobody else ever had to experience, but we live in a fallen world.  A world in which there is sickness and death.  When someone you love loses a baby you want to help, but you may have no idea what to say or what to do.  There have been several times that I have referred people to this series by Molly Piper about how to help a grieving friend.  It was always hard for me to imagine being in a place where I would be able verbalize my own feelings about what helped me the most during my time of grief.  I remember feeling like I would always be the one needing help and that I would never be able to give advice to others, but here I am.  I miss my Isaac.  I think about him every single day and I still have my moments of sitting in my room just crying because I wish my baby boy was here.  It's different now, though.  My emotions don't overwhelm me as often.  My head isn't in a continuous state of fogginess.  I don't feel the constant pit in my stomach.  I feel like I'm ready.  Ready to help others help others (clear as mud, right?)  Some of this may be similar to what Molly talks about on her blog, but this is what I found to be the best for me.

1.  Be Sincere - This is so, so very important.  People can tell when you truly care about them and when you're just doing something because you feel like you have to or you're worried about your appearance.  They know that you may not know what to say, so just say exactly that.  Saying something like "I really wish I had the words to say right now, but nothing seems right.  Just know that I love you so much and am here for you if you need anything" can be just what the person needs to hear.  If they were able to physically hold their baby asking specific questions about that experience is a really good thing.  Your honesty and sincerity will show and your friend will feel so loved and comforted by that.

2.  Remember that each situation is different - It's true that you may have lost someone very close to you, but saying "I remember how sad I was when my dog died" is not really going to help your friend.  There are definitely instances in which sharing your own story is completely appropriate and may be very helpful, but just be aware of whether or not the time is right.  We live in such a competitive world that unfortunately I think we even try to compete when it comes to who has the sadder story.  Turning this time into one of competition is not what you want to do.  Acknowledging that their own story is unique and important will really mean a lot to them.

3.  Ask the hard questions - If this is a very close friend of yours it may be necessary to ask some really difficult questions.  For example, my friend that I mention on here often, Heather asked me one evening, about a month before Isaac was born, if I had thought about what I wanted his memorial service to be like.  It meant so much to me that she had the courage to talk to me about this.  Not only did it remind me that I probably should start thinking about these details, but it also showed that she truly cared.  A mommy wants to plan and prepare for their baby, even if it's not in the way she would have hoped for.  Heather would also frequently ask me about clothes I was taking to the hospital for Isaac to wear or when I was going to make Kadynce a "Big Sis" shirt for when he was born.  I know talking to me about these things was not easy, but by doing it she was telling me that she loved my Isaac and she loved me.  She was treating him just as she would any of my children, but not denying the fact that he was very sick and probably would not live for long.

4.  Be Positive - I realize that our specific situation was a little different in that we knew ahead of time that Isaac would probably not survive for long outside of the womb.  We made the decision very early on that we were going to approach his life with a positive attitude and find joy in this blessing that the Lord had given us.  I still really appreciate when people talk to me about Isaac in a positive manner.  I received a text from a friend the other day that said she was thinking about Isaac and it made her smile.  This absolutely made my day.  He was and is my baby and he brought me more joy than I ever thought possible.  If the family you know is making an effort to approach the situation with joy it is important to be respectful of that and to try to do the same, even if you may not understand.

5.  Don't be afraid to cry - On the flip side, one of the things that honestly meant the most to be is when people would cry with me.  Not out of pity and not out of just feeling sorry for me, but because they were truly taking on some of my pain and grief.  There are times that your friend will need someone to be strong for them and keep their composure for sure, but there are also times that they need to see that you really are hurting for them.  I'm not talking about falling apart into a sobbing mess, but just being vulnerable and real.

There are so, so many others ways that you can help those going through this time of grief.  These are some of the ones that I consider the most important and maybe something that you haven't thought of before.

Something I also wanted to say before ending this post is to never downplay your role as "friend" in a person's life.  Heather attended part of the session for those that have lost children at the Dotmom conference with me.  When she told one of the ladies that she was "just there as my friend" the sweet lady told her not to downplay that role.  I thought this was a wonderful thing to say and important to remember.  Even if the person going through a loss has a wonderful family, they need the support of their friends.  Don't just assume that because their family is there everything is taken care of emotionally and physically.  We have an AMAZING family that supported us and loved on us better than we could have ever imagined.  You know what though?  They grieve too.  I have to believe that when they know that their daughter or son has a good support system in their friends it helps their grieving process as well.

Blessed By Trisomy

It's been almost two years since we found out that we had been "blessed by trisomy." Although my first reaction was not necessarily to consider myself blessed, I soon learned how deeply blessed I truly was. I remember when we were told that there was a strong possibility that Isaac had Down Syndrome Heather said "well, we will just love every little extra chromosome that this baby has." He did indeed have an extra chromosome and we did in fact, and still do love every single one. I don't think it was a coincidence that we learned first hand about Trisomy 13 in March, Trisomy awareness month. So, memory of Isaac and in honor of this month Jonathan designed the below shirt. He is working on a men's version that I will post soon. $15 covers that cost of the shirt plus shipping. If you would like to donate more, proceeds will go to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, an organization that has meant so much to us.

It all about choices... (link up at bottom)

"It's all about choices"  I can still hear my youth minister, Joel saying.  I believe I was blessed with the smartest, sweetest, and most fun youth ministers in the world.  I feel like so much of who I am today was shaped by their wisdom in how to teach young people to follow the Lord with their whole life.   Ok, just had to brag on them for a minute ;). Back to the point... Choices.  I have been thinking a lot lately about my feelings and emotions over the past 18 months or so.  So many people have commented on my strength or the fact that I have found joy and happiness in some very difficult circumstances.  I will always say that  first and foremost that strength and joy comes from the hope I have in Christ Jesus my Savior.  He is my rock and without Him, well I can't even imagine what life would be like.  But, at the same time, I am human.  When you're  laying in a sonogram room listening to the doctor tell you that your baby is "incompatible with life" the first feelings are naturally fear, anger, confusion, and sadness.  It was at that point that I knew I had a choice.  I could choose to focus on the joy that I knew could be found in this precious gift from the Lord, or I could choose to feel sorry for myself, withdrawal from society, and be sad all of the time.  I chose joy.  This doesn't mean that my heart wasn't completely broken or that I didn't cry many tears knowing that if I got to hold my baby at all it would only be for a short time.  This simply meant focusing on the positive rather than the sadness.  I knew that God had given us a gift and I wanted to enjoy that gift without any regrets.  I have had to remind myself of my decision frequently in this journey, especially at the beginning.  Like I said before it's not always the natural reaction.  Throughout my pregnancy with Isaac I enjoyed and treasured each and every little kick.  He would really be active if there was music playing.  I loved seeing his sweet little features on the sonograms.  I knew that things were not normal and he was very sick, but I was determined for those days to be sweet memories.  I knew that there was a chance it would be our only time to see him alive and I didn't want it to be full of sadness.  Kadynce got to go with us each time and I'll never forget her precious 18 month old voice saying "Isaacs!". I think I could write pages about the actual day he was born.  I don't think I have ever felt more love in my entire life.  That's all I wanted Isaac to experience and I believe he did.  So many prayers were answered that day.  He was born alive, moving, and making sweet noises.  He didn't ever seem to experience any pain.  I remember telling him over and over how beautiful and perfect he was.  Since Isaac's birth and death I have tried to continue to approach his life with the same attitude.  There was without a doubt a grieving process that I have gone through.  I think more than sadness it had to do with fear and worry.  Not wanting to lose another child.  Worrying about what the future would hold for our family.  That along with missing my baby made some days harder than others, but it was still so important to me for Isaac's life to be one remembered by love, happiness, and joy.

I decided to write about all of this for several reasons.  I hope that maybe it'll bring some clarity to those of you wondering if I'm in denial and just trying to suppress my true feelings.  Maybe it'll answer some questions about why I have approached things in the way I have.  These are both important, but what I really hope is that maybe someone reading this is facing a similar situation and they need to hear that they can choose joy!  It is all about choices and it is completely up to you :)

Wonderfully made link up:

Birthday Celebration

Last Friday at my Doctor's appointment they told me I was still technically on modified bedrest, but that I could go out to eat, or even take short trips to the store as long as I stayed sitting down most of the time and was taking it easy.  I was so excited to hear this because it meant that I was going to be able to get out and celebrate Isaac's birthday like we had planned.  We had a wonderful two days of celebrating.

Sunday we went to Chili's (my favorite) for lunch and we shared a chocolate chip paradise pie.  It was delicious!

 

After lunch we went back to my parent's house for a little while.  This is how Kadynce gave us our card from my parents.

  

Inside the card it explained that Nana and Tata had decided to start sponsoring this sweet little boy named Isaac through Compassion in memory of our Isaac.  We are so excited about this and it means a lot to us!  

 

 This book is being donated to the preschool ministry at our church in memory of Isaac as well.  It is so neat.  It plays all of the classic children's bible songs. 

 

 

Monday we ate lunch at Homeslice Pizza.  It was so yummy!  The neatest part was that they brought Kadynce some pizza dough to play with while we were waiting on our food.  She thought it was the best thing ever!

 

Next, we headed to an old fashioned candy shop right across the street.  Little missy was absolutely in heaven.  She actually helped herself to a piece before we could stop her.  Shhhh don't tell anyone lol.

 

We let Kadynce pick out a stuffed animal to take to the hospital to give to a baby boy that was born on Monday.  She actually picked a doggy like the one my brother gave to Isaac at the hospital.  I put a card in the sack that told a little bit about Isaac and asked one of the nurses to pick a family to give it to.  I think this will be a fun tradition each year.  

 

That evening after dinner we all wrote notes to Isaac on a big blue balloon and then let it go outside.  After that we enjoyed a cookie cake just like the one my friend Whitney brought to the hospital last year.

Isaac's first birthday was a great day spent together as a family.  We wanted it to be a fun day for Kadynce as she remembers her little brother.  We talked a lot about heaven and Jesus.  While I know she doesn't fully grasp it all her child-like faith and sweet spirit is just so refreshing.  Thank you all so much for loving our little boy and for sharing in these precious moments with us.   

Happy Birthday Isaac and Link Up

Isaac Preston,
Happy 1st birthday my perfect, precious boy.  I can't even fathom the fun you are having celebrating in heaven.  There are no words to describe the joy you have brought your Daddy and I over the past year. Our arms may be empty, but our hearts are so full.  You have touched so many lives, sweet boy and we will continue to share you with anyone that will listen (and maybe even some that don't want to) for the rest of our lives.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about those wonderful 9 hours we got to spend holding you and kissing you.  I miss you more than you know.  Your big sister talks about you all the time.  She doesn't miss an opportunity to tell people about her little brother.  She talks about the day that we will all go to heaven and she says she's going to hold you. Mommy thinks about that day too :). Lord willing, you will soon have a little sister too.  We can't wait to tell her about you.  Happy Birthday again, my angel!
          I love you,
           Mommy

I wanted to share a slideshow with ya'll of Isaac's birth a year ago.  I thought this would be a good time to share some pictures that we never have before.


Isaac Preston Hunt - A Special Day from Jonathan & Kacie Hunt on Vimeo.

We already celebrated Isaac's birthday some yesterday and we are going to continue to do so today.  I'm really excited about spending the day enjoying our family.  I'm a very blessed mommy!


Today is also the Wonderfully Made Link Up.  Please link up if you have ever faced a negative prenatal diagnosis and be sure to encourage another family :)

Seasons and Wonderfully Made Link Up

I am a summer girl.  Christmas is my favorite time of year, but summertime comes in a VERY close second.  I love the long days, hours upon hours in the water, sun-kissed cheeks and shoulders, the smell of sunscreen, grilling out, baseball games, snowcones, and family vacations.  Really my list could go on and on.  Even with the insane Texas heat in late July and August I love it all.  I think another reason that I like this season so much is the memories that are attached.  Growing up summers were spent going to fun church activities during the week such as VBS, and various camps.  Then weekends were spent with family at the lake.  As I got older I looked forward to a break from school and going on many of fun youth trips.  The summer before my senior year Jonathan and I started dating and we spent a ton of time with our best friends that were also dating and are now married as well.  Lots and lots of wonderful memories.

This time last year I was carrying our sweet baby boy not knowing when or exactly how he would be born.  We didn't have any idea if he would even be born alive.  Isaac was born at 33 weeks on July 16th, right in the middle of the summer.  We had returned from our family vacation to Colorado 3 days before.  While the majority of my memories surrounding his birth are happy and joyful it was a very, very hard time as well.  While still pregnant I was scared and then after his birth I missed him so much.  I remember being in a fog for a long time after he was born.  It was kind of like an out of body experience.  Without Jonathan, my Mom, and some good friends I don't know what I would have done.

As this summer has been approaching I have naturally been excited, but it has been a little different too.  In the same way that a change of season can bring a flood of wonderful feelings, it can bring to surface the hard times as well.  It caught me off guard when I started experiencing some anxiety recently, but when thinking about it, it all makes sense.  I need to prepare for our Lydia that will be here in about 3 months, but I'm so hesitant to do so.  Last summer preparing for a baby meant making arrangements with the funeral home and picking out songs for his memorial service.  I get so scared that there was something that they missed on Lydia's sonograms or that they just couldn't bear to tell me that something is wrong this time too.  I know that's crazy and that they wouldn't do that so I try to get those thoughts out of my head quickly.  I am thankful for what this past year has taught me about anxiety.  Before, I would experience anxiety and just loose control because I didn't even realize that I was anxious.  Through everything that we've been through I've learned to recognize when I am anxious about something and calm myself down.  I know that worrying is not of the Lord and I need to cast all my cares on Him.

This is one of those moments I knew would come.  One where I am taken off guard and reminded of the lasting effects that losing a baby has had on me.  This is one of the times that I am thankful for the support I have both in those that have walked in these shoes and those that haven't.  This is what the weekly Wonderfully Made Link Up is for.  For people to connect and support one another.  Please link up if you are currently expecting or have ever had a baby with a negative prenatal diagnosis.



          

Wonderfully Made Link-Up

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:13-14.

A friend of mine suggested the name "Wonderfully Made" for my Monday link-up and I thought it was just perfect.  I know when we found out that it was a possibility that Isaac had some problems I clung to this verse.  Remembering that the Lord knit every part of him together inside of me brought me so much peace.  I will never claim that my heart wasn't broken or that this path has been easy.  I will, though always claim that Isaac was a precious and perfect gift from above.  He was fearfully and wonderfully made by our Lord and Savior.  What an amazing thought is that?

Before Isaac was born I was so worried about what people would think and say about Isaac's cleft lip.  Some hurtful things were said, but for the most part people told me he was beautiful (which I already knew:)).  Some of you may have seen this story in the news the last few days.  When I read about this family yesterday I was overwhelmed with emotions.  I was angry at how mean people can be.  I was heartbroken for this precious family that had been unnecessarily hurt in the middle of their grief.  I was proud.  Proud of this mommy for standing up for her precious baby.  She so boldly proclaims that her child is knit together perfectly by God.  You can read more of their story here.  

If you've ever been told that your baby wouldn't live for long or would have serious health problems this link up is for you.  Whether you are currently facing this diagnosis or went through this many years ago I would love to hear your story.  I believe we can all help each other remember that each one of these precious children are "Wonderfully Made".

Summertime!

First of all I want to thank those of you that linked up on Monday. I'm hoping each week it continues to grow so we can all continue to pray for and encourage one another. I have been so blessed the past few weeks by the connections I've made and new relationships that have been formed. It has been so freeing to hear other mommies verbalize some of the exact same things that I feel.

On a whole different note, I recently got a new embroidery machine that will do bigger designs and I am LOVING it! I am so blessed to have such a selfless husband that values my need to be crafty. I haven't shared any of my projects in a while so here are a few.
























All of these items and more at the Simply Royalty link on the left.

Mother's Day and Link-up

Today I am so very thankful. Not too long ago I wrote this post about my mommy. Each and every day I feel so blessed that she is my mom. I am thankful for her mom, my grandmother. Even though I never had the privilege of meeting her I know she must have been an incredible lady because she raised such an amazing person (my aunts and uncle aren't half bad either ;)). I am thankful for my Grandmamma. I feel so blessed that she has always been such a huge part of my life. She taught me the important things like how to see the man in the moon, counting to 10 in spanish, and baking snickerdoodles lol. Seriously though, she is such a special lady and I love her so. I am also thankful for Jonathan's mom and grandmothers that have helped make him the awesome husband and Daddy that he is. Today and everyday I am so thankful for these ladies.

I am also thankful for the babies that have given me the title "Mommy". Jonathan and Kadynce gave me a necklace today that had three charms with my three sweet baby's names. One baby is now a 2 year old full of energy, one is in heaven, and one is kicking and squirming in my belly. I am so thankful for all three of them.

Last night I was thinking about this past year and what last Mother's Day was like for me. We went to Sea World and had a wonderful day as a family. I remember thinking it would be my only Mother's Day with my sweet boy so I tried to soak it all up. I love this little video Jonathan made.

I didn't think about it before, but I think it's pretty appropriate that my first link up for Mommies with a negative prenatal diagnosis (I would LOVE suggestions for a name for this) is right after this special day that celebrates Mommies. It can be a hard day for those of us that have lost babies or are carrying a baby that is very sick. For me it is another day to remember and celebrate our Isaac's life no matter how short it was. Just as much as Kadynce and Lydia have made me a mommy, Isaac did too.

My hope and prayer is that through this link up you are able to find other moms or families to connect with. I hope you are able to encourage each other, cry together, laugh together, rejoice together, and pray for each other. So please, if you have had a baby or are currently carrying a baby that has been diagnosed as being incompatible with life or very sick link up below. Also feel free to share this with people you think it may help.

Inspired

First of all I want to thank all of you that commented and told me about your favorite thrifty finds.  I loved reading about all of the bargains!  In the words of Jim Bob Duggar "Buy used and save the difference!"

A few weeks ago through a link up at Kelly's Korner I "met" the sweetest lady named Tesha.  Her and her husband just lost their baby boy, Jonathan in January.  When I read this post the other day I decided I needed to share it with all of you.  I had never really thought about the power of hearing your baby's name and what she says is just so true.  I love hearing Kadynce call her baby doll Isaac.  I loved hearing our pastor say Isaac's name over and over when he was using him as an illustration in church this morning.  Saying his name acknowledges that he was here and that his life was important.  Tesha hosts a link up for mommy's that have lost babies on Tuesday mornings and this weekend she went to the beach and wrote each one of those baby's names with seashells.  She has the most incredible heart and this picture meant the world to me!

Here comes the reason for the title of this post.  I have been inspired by how much Tesha and her Tuesday morning link ups have meant to me.  I have said before that when I was expecting Isaac I read any and every blog I could find of someone going through or that had gone through a similar situation as us.  I specifically wanted to read stories of people that had a prenatal diagnosis of "incompatible with life."  There were moments throughout my pregnancy that I literally didn't think I could handle any more.  I was so thankful that I knew someone that had gone through a similar situation a few years before and her encouragement helped me greatly.  She let me know that my feelings were normal and I didn't need to feel guilty.  She also reminded me that the Lord would give me strength to get through each new day.

I have had moments over the past 9 months of thinking I need to "move on."  I have feared people thinking that I am dwelling on something I shouldn't be.  At times I have been afraid to talk about Isaac because I didn't want people to feel awkward or think that I'm just sitting at home mourning him all the time.  It's quite the opposite actually, that little boy makes me smile each day.  Well, I'm done with those thoughts and feelings.  I have forever been changed by that sweet chubby-cheeked boy and for that I'm not going to apologize.  I want his life to continue to be a blessing to others.  So here's what I'm thinking...

I would like to start hosting a weekly link up for those who are carrying a baby with a negative prenatal diagnosis or those that have gone through this in the past.  I think it would be so neat for moms on all different points in this journey to be able to connect and encourage one another.  I'm thinking about doing this on Mondays and I would start next week.  I'm a little nervous about doing this, but I'm going to take a leap of faith.  I would love for you to help me spread the word to those you think this my bless!     

A Picture is Priceless

A few months back I posted an article on facebook describing the backlash the Duggars were receiving about taking pictures of their precious little girl, Jubilee that was stillborn at about 19 weeks gestation.  When I read what others were saying about them I was heartbroken.  I had just posted pictures of our sweet Isaac a few months before and all I could think about was what people were saying about him and about us behind our backs.  All it took was a little encouragement from friends and family to realize that until people have walked in our shoes they have no right to talk.  He was and is our baby and I will be forever thankful for the pictures we have of him.  Ok end of that soap box...
 
Friday I linked up with Kelly's Korner since her "Show Us Your Life' topic was for those that have lost children.  I received an email from the sweetest lady that also lost her precious little boy.  She was telling me that her biggest regret was not having any pictures or video of him, except for the picture that the hospital took.  She said it just never entered her mind because they were in the process of grieving.  She then found out about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep a few days later.  NILMDTS is an organization made up of professional photographers that come to the hospital and take beautiful photos of babies that have already passed away or are expected to shortly.  They capture moments of those babies with their families that are absolutely priceless.  I found out about this organization while working in a high risk OB unit right out of college.  I also remember reading about them on Angie Smith's blog after they took incredible pictures of their angel Audrey Caroline.  Sandy Allen took her Saturday to come photograph the time we had with our Isaac.  We will forever be grateful for the gift that she gave us.

I know many of you have seen these before, but for those that haven't here are some of my favorite pictures from that day.

 

I know when I was pregnant with Isaac I went to any and every blog I could find of those that had gone through a similar circumstance.  I wanted to read about their journey and see what life was like "on the other side of things."  I promise not every blog post is going to be about losing Isaac, but I want this to be a place for those searching for information and encouragement as they go through their own journey. 

170 Ounces

When Kadynce was a couple of months old one of my favorite bloggers posted on her blog that she was helping collect breastmilk donations for a baby whose mother had passed away shortly after giving birth.  The mother had been very passionate about wanting to nurse her baby and when she passed away her husband wanted the baby to still be able to have breastmilk.  He began excepting donations from women that were willing to give this precious gift.  I was not able to nurse Kadynce for long because of various complications, but when I read this story I remember saying "if I ever had a surplus of milk I would without a doubt want to donate it."  It's crazy awesome how the Lord works.  When I was pregnant with Isaac I realized one day that I was going to have that "surplus" because more than likely my baby would not get the chance to have it himself.  I wondered if even thinking of pumping and donating my milk made me crazy and didn't mention the idea to anyone, but a really close friend.  When my midwife mentioned it to me at a routine prenatal appointment I knew that was exactly what I was supposed to do.  She told me that sometimes it actually helped with the emotional healing process after losing a baby and she gave me the information to contact the Milk Bank to see what steps needed to be taken to become a donor.

This may sound strange, but in the last few weeks leading up to Isaac's birth donating my milk actually gave me something to look forward to.  I felt that even though I couldn't help my baby this was something I could do to help other little ones struggling for their life.  After Isaac was born I started pumping and continued to do so for 6 weeks.  Pumping 3 times a day allowed me to be able to donate 170 ounces to The Mother's Milk Bank for sick babies.  I had originally intended to do this for longer, but my body and my heart were ready to let go.  


















This post was in no way to say "look what I did" or to be thought of as bragging.  I was not able to find much information about donating breastmilk after losing a baby prior to Isaac's birth.  I wanted to put this out there in case someone in a similar situation happens to stumble upon this.  I feel like this really did help me emotionally in the weeks after losing our precious boy.  I still felt like a Mommy.  I felt like a part of Isaac was still with me.  I am so glad I made the decision I did.  If anyone has any questions about donating breastmilk please feel free to contact me at kaciehunt@gmail.com.  I would LOVE to talk to you!

Nana's Heart Part Two

Isaac’s Perfect Day

Saturday dawned, and a group of sleep deprived family and friends wondered between the hospital room and waiting room, visited, hugged, made furniture into riding toys (yes adults), took pictures, checked on Isaacs progress and came up with various other ways to entertain themselves. Despite the lack of sleep and nerves, there was only a spirit of love and anticipation. I watched Kacie and Jonathan greet each person with love and gratitude for coming, when they should have been overwhelmed and exhausted. I watched Kacie interact on a professional level with the doctors, midwives and her angel-on-earth-nurse, Allison, since she is an RN herself, and marveled at God’s infinite wisdom in placing Kacie in Antepartum (high risk pregnancy) in her first nursing job. A coincidence? I think not. By mid-morning, Tori brought Kadynce back to the hospital and she provided new entertainment for us. At 21 months, she knew there was a baby she called Isaacs, in her mommy’s tummy, but of course she wasn’t able to understand all that was going on. Also about that time, the Lord sent another angel to be a part of this special day. Sandy Allen, who is an Austin photographer and also affiliated with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, fit in like family and provided a priceless gift that would have taken away our own sweet time with Isaac had she not been there. And I knew then, that that room was filled with angels both seen, and unseen.

Noon rolled around, and seemingly all of sudden, it was time; the appointed time for Isaac to make his entrance. It was really probably comical as the doctor said those words and we all scrambled to our appointed places. Most family and friends left to wait anxiously outside, Sandy climbed on her perch with camera in hand, I grabbed the video camera reminding myself to be careful of where not to aim, and Jonathan took his place by Kacie to encourage her while bringing their beloved son into the world. I told them that I loved them and would be praying continually. At 12:20 p.m. the midwife had Kacie reach down and touch Isaac’s head and tears began to seep from my eyes as Isaac Preston Hunt took his first breath. When he did, it took my breath away and I thought my heart would explode with joy. He was making noises and moving. He was very much alive! My eyes darted back and forth between him, his mommy and his daddy as I tried to take in every precious moment. Allison laid Isaac on Kacie’s chest and he made the sweetest little snorts I’d ever heard. I thanked my Father for answered prayer as I watched my baby girl sing sweetly to her baby boy and again as Jonathan cut the cord for his son. Kacie looked at me and said “Mom, do you want to hold him?” Oh how I did. I took Isaac in my arms and tried to soak in every detail of our beautiful boy and commit them to memory. I started singing to him, one of the same silly songs that I had made up with Kadynce, and I was completely, completely overwhelmed with love and joy and gratitude, and I allowed myself to weep for a few seconds as I held my grandson close, kissed him and told him how much his nana loved him. I handed him back to Kacie, not wanting to take any precious time away from them or others who were waiting on pins and needles to meet him. I shakily grabbed the video camera again so as not to miss a single moment of memories. They were almost finished getting Kacie ready for everyone to come back in, and much to my extreme delight, Jonathan asked me if I wanted to put Isaac’s diaper on him. Now, I know not many people would get excited about that, but to me it’s an act of love and believe or not it’s been a time of bonding for Kadynce and I. I was beyond excited as I placed him in the bassinet. I unwrapped his blanket and told him he was such a long skinny boy that I thought he would be playing basketball in heaven. I told him there were lots of people that couldn’t wait to meet him and some of them had come from a long way, just to see him. Just before I finished, everyone came back in and encircled us, staring in awe at this tiny miracle. It was one of many incredible moments of Isaac’s perfect day. His Tata got to hold him next and watching Kevin communicate his love for his grandson grabbed my heart again. Have I mentioned how grateful I was? His Uncle Booboo and Aunt Susan took their turns next, followed by the rest of his prayer/fan club. Everyone that held that baby looked at him the same way, with a mixture of unconditional love, awe and a desire to hold onto the moment. As I thought about what was going on, I couldn’t help but compare Kacie and Jonathan to Mary and Joseph. Here was their beloved son, who was only theirs here on earth for a short time, but they knew that his life would make a difference in the world. They had made a decision before hand to selflessly share Isaac with everyone that was there and wanted to meet him even if it took away some of their own time. I was completely humbled to be in that room, to be their mom and Isaac’s nana. I know many people won’t understand this either, but that room was filled to overflowing with love and joy and victory. Prayers of a multitude of friends and believers we’ve not met yet carried us, and His peace did indeed surpass our own understanding. We were led to seek God’s joy by a young couple that God chose to be Isaac’s mommy and daddy. And when they chose to honor God in their every decision concerning their son, He in turn honored them with a perfect, beautiful boy on Isaac’s perfect day.

She Calls Him Isaacs!

I wrote a note to Kadynce in Isaac’s memory book, that one of the first things he probably told God when he slipped into heaven was “Wow God, you did good! You gave me the best big sister ever!” She was included in Isaac’s journey from the beginning and got to go to most of the ultrasound appts. In the videos that Jonathan would send us you could here her matching the pitch of the heartbeat and later on in the pregnancy she recognized the pictures and called him “Isaacs” or “beby”. When she got to the hospital on Isaac’s birthday you could tell she was concerned about Kacie and would touch her or love on her hand, but she was scared of getting in the bed with her. Tata took her exploring several times that morning and she chilled with me some too in the room, while we were waiting on her brother to arrive. Once Isaac got here, nothing else mattered to her. Isaacs was her beby. I held her up to look at him while Kevin was holding him and she wanted him. When Carson was holding him, she tried to take him. That bed that she was afraid to get in, she couldn’t climb into it fast enough to sit beside her Isaacs. She needed to touch him, to feel him, to love him. She shared his pacifier with him J, she kissed him, she bathed him, and she rocked him very determinedly by herself. He was her beby. That evening Kevin, Carson and I took her home while Isaacs was still at the hospital and I wondered what we were going to do the next morning when we went back to the hospital and he wasn’t there. When we got there on Sunday morning we went through our routine of letting her push the elevator buttons and push the door buzzer to be admitted to the maternity floor. Kevin was carrying her and as we turned the corner to go down the hall to the room she said “Isaacs, beby!” Kevin and I just looked at each other as our hearts broke for our girl. All I could think to say was “Isaacs has gone to be with Jesus.” We went into the room and she frantically searched for her beby, her Isaacs and began to cry and get mad when he wasn’t there. I took her, held her close and said the words again “Isaacs has gone to be with Jesus.” All of a sudden it was as if she understood that time and she wasn’t upset anymore. She took the two pictures of Isaac that Jonathan had given us and I let her have them. She keeps them with her toys and my heart just smiles when she looks at them and she calls him Isaacs.

How to Help a Grieving Friend

I know that I can’t take away Kacie and Jonathan’s pain and they will always have an Isaac shaped hole in their hearts. God has and will continue to give them the strength they need to go on, but in the mean time they still have a long grieving process to go through. I know that on any given day someone might ask me how I am and I’m ok, but someone else can ask me in an hour and I cry my eyes out. That is nothing compared to what they are feeling and going through. The one thing that I can do though is to let you know about some very insightful blog posts by Molly Piper about how to help your grieving friend. She and her husband Abraham lost a full term, beautiful, healthy baby girl at birth several years ago and has incredible words of wisdom. I have included the link below.

http://mollypiper.com/2008/03/how-to-help-your-grieving-friend/

Thanks for letting me share my heart Kacie! I love you!

Nana's Heart

My mom asked a few weeks ago if she could do a guest post on my blog about Isaac. I told her that I would love for her to and here it is...

NANA’S HEART
Part One – Journey of Joy

Friday morning, March 11, 2011, Kacie had her 15-week pre-natal checkup. My mind didn’t have the discipline to stay on task at work. It constantly wondered thru every imaginable scenario of what Kacie and Jonathan were being told. Just three weeks earlier we had learned that there was a possibility that our sweet grandchild could have some abnormalities, possibly Down’s syndrome, and even a risk of Trisomy 13 or 18. Down’s syndrome was not scary to us. Kacie and I both had experience with special needs children and God has given us a special love for them. But I was not familiar with Trisomy 13 or 18, and so I began to read everything I could on the Internet about them; heartbreak would be the prognosis for our kids, if indeed that was what the diagnosis was. Finally, Kacie called and I could feel my heart racing as I answered and she said, “Mom, it’s not good. …it’s not good at all.” Fear and anguish gripped me as I listened to her name all of the things that were broken on our precious baby, and that they had done an amnio to confirm exactly what was wrong. In that moment I knew that there was nothing that I could say to make it better and I felt completely helpless. A mommy always knows how to make it better, right? I called Kevin immediately and I knew that he felt as helpless as I did. Like Jonathan said earlier, dads want to fix things, and this was something beyond Kevin’s capabilities, too. I floated in a fog the remainder of the morning and when I went to lunch, I just sat in the car and cried out to God for help. My thoughts and pleas bounced from asking for wisdom to help Kacie and Jonathan, to asking for a miracle for our grandson and pleading for his life, to telling God I was scared for our kids and questioning how they were going to be able to make it thru this pregnancy knowing the outcome was a baby “not compatible with life”. I went back to work in that same fog and shared what I had just learned with some of my co-workers, but I knew they had no idea of the severity of the situation or just how broken my heart was for our children. I simply couldn’t wait to get home. In Gods, perfect timing, Jonathan, Kacie and Kadynce had already planned to spend that week with us and Carson was coming home as well, since it was spring break. Just being together was a comfort for all of us.

For me, that first week was the hardest and seems almost surreal now. There were so many tears, so many “what ifs” yet be answered, and so many emotions to work through. And while I knew God was in complete control and I kept Psalms 139:13-15 always at the forefront of my mind, I still worried about Kacie and Jonathan, about Kacie’s physical health, and about our grandson. I continued to lean on my Father for strength that was beyond my own grasp. And He began to reveal things that I could never have imagined.

Very quickly, Jonathan and Kacie made a decision about the direction Isaac’s story would take and I realized my front row seat in this journey was priceless. From the second that they chose the name Isaac Preston for our little miracle, and explained the reason why, I knew that Isaac’s life was going to be big, no matter how long or short it was, it would be big. As the pregnancy progressed, I watched in awe as Kacie and Jonathan trusted the Lord at every turn. Naturally, as Mom/Nana, I still hurt for our kids and would have taken on their pain in an instant, but my own prayers turned from being frantic in the beginning to being focused and specific; for Isaac to reach certain milestones, for Kacie not to have any complications such as gestational diabetes or high blood pressure, for our sweet baby to be born alive even if for only a few minutes, but only if that meant he would have no pain and would not struggle for any reason. These were my constant prayers, but I also had one selfish prayer. I so wanted to feel Isaac move because I knew that depending on the circumstances of his birth, feeling him kick in his mommy’s tummy might be the only chance I had to feel life in him. Whenever we were together I would talk to Kacie’s tummy and tell Isaac that he needed to kick, and kick hard. Finally, the evening of July 12, that boychild minded his Nana, and my heart was filled with joy as I felt our Isaac so full of life, what a special gift. Something that started out so scary, had somewhere along the way turned into a journey of joy; joy in the little things and special moments that we so often take for granted. I was anxious to meet this little one that had so rocked our world.

As Jonathan, Kacie and Kadynce left to return to Round Rock the next day from being on vacation, I thanked God for allowing Isaac to make it that far in the pregnancy. I knew though, that Kacie was feeling miserable and that some of that misery could be due to pre-labor, and the probability of him coming early became more real. I felt a sense of urgency to be prepared to leave at a moments notice and that moment came just two days later on July 15. Kacie called around 7:15 p.m. to tell us they were going to the hospital, she wasn’t 100% sure see was in labor, but her contractions were getting stronger and closer together. That’s all it took for us, and Tata and I were on the road by 8:00. I quickly sent out a confidential prayer request to some very special prayer partners so that they could be praying for Jonathan, Kacie and Isaac and for all of us that would be traveling. Once the doctors determined they were indeed going to admit Kacie, we were able to tell the world that a very special baby had decided it was time to make his appearance. I thought I might be extremely nervous at this point, but honestly I felt only excitement. Oh, I still had the pre-delivery jitters that I think is normal before the arrival of a baby that’s important in your life. But like kids going to Disney World, Kevin and I just couldn’t wait to get there. And we weren’t the only ones. Isaac’s other grandparents and his great-grandparents, his Aunt Susan, his Uncle Booboo and friend Matt, all traveled during the night from other states and across Texas to be there. An answer to prayer, they all arrived safely as did other family and friends that came on Saturday. Isaac also had a fan club of local friends and church family who were at the hospital before we got there. They were there to meet him and to take care of anything Kacie and Jonathan might need, including the sweet Mitteness family taking Kadynce home with them for the night. And again, for the upteenth time, I thanked God for moving our kids to Round Rock to be part of an incredible family of believers that love the Lord, and love and minister to each other before the need is even spoken. Just as God had gone over, above and beyond answering our prayers and taking care of every detail, details we didn’t even know existed, for the past few months, he was faithful to continue to do so on Isaac’s Perfect Day.
To be continued…………

Empty Bassinet

I have wanted to have a big family for as long as I can remember. This is not something I talked about much to Jonathan as were we dating, engaged, or even first married. I mean I knew he wanted to have children too, but I felt like the issue of how many was something the Lord would work out and I just wasn't worried about it. I prayed that God would allow our desires to line up in that area. He did just that and they do. The number is unknown to us, but Jonathan and I both have the desire to have a large family by today's standards. I feel like this subject alone could be a post or two all by itself, but that isn't really what I want to talk about today.

All of that was said to say that without a doubt we desire to have more children. Because of that I naturally did not want to put the bassinet up after Kadynce grew out of it. I distinctly remember Jonathan asking me if I wanted him to put it in the attic and I told him "no, Lord willing we will have another baby sleeping in it before long." When we moved it was known that the bassinet went straight to our room. After all I was about 6 weeks pregnant and September 1st couldn't arrive soon enough so another sweet baby could sleep there. When we found out Isaac was sick I began putting anything we had for for him in the bassinet. It was somewhat of a makeshift nursery since we knew he probably wouldn't be with us for long. Each day I would look at his cute little outfits, blankets, and stuffed animals in anticipation of the day I would get to hold him and kiss his sweet cheeks.

Now, however the bassinet is empty. It is no longer full of blue things waiting for that special day to get here. That day already came and went in what seems like the blink of an eye. Where a sweet little baby should be laying, napping right now there is nothing. Looking at it hurts because it reminds me of what I don't have, but at the same time makes me smile because of what I did have for a few short hours. Not to mention the memories I have for a lifetime. Tomorrow Isaac would be one month old. I look at his pictures and realize it's hard for me to remember not knowing what that sweet chubby-cheeked face would look like. In a way I feel like each day gets harder and harder as it is further away from when he was in my arms and I miss him so very much. I so don't want him to be forgotten. At the same time the Lord gives me the strength I need to get through each new day. To take care of and enjoy Kadynce and to look forward to what he has planned for our future.

There are so many things I don't understand, but there is one thing that remains the same. God is good!

My Mommy

So, so many people have been there for us over the past few weeks and we really and truly appreciate all of you more than you know. There is one person, though that literally moved in with us for three weeks and without her I don't know what I would have done. I just feel like she deserves a public "thank you" and this person is my mommy! Her and my dad arrived the night before Isaac was born and she just left this past Friday morning. For three weeks she fed, bathed, and clothed Kadynce. She did laundry, dishes, and washed everything that wasn't nailed down, as she put it. Most importantly she was there for me when I needed to talk, cry, or just sit in silence. I didn't have to be alone when Jonathan went back to work and I was so thankful for that. She let me be the child, her baby for a few weeks and that is what I needed. We were able to make some great memories in the past three weeks that I will treasure forever so I wanted to share a few pictures!




















Thank you so much, Mom for everything! We love you so much!

Through the Eyes of Daddy...

For those who have read Kacie’s wonderful blog you know the feelings and the emotions she has been going through ever since we found out that Isaac was not a normal child. Kacie is open, she’s honest, she wears her heart on her sleeve, and I love her for that. However, something that has been somewhat missing from Isaac’s story, and something that is missing from many stories of families in similar situations, is the heart and response of the father. Today I want to respond. I want to share how I have viewed this whole situation since day one. I think it’s important for me to do, and will hopefully be valued by others - especially other fathers.

Fight. Fix. Protect. This is what this Daddy wants to do when one of my own is hurting and helpless. And this was exactly my response was when we found out that there might be something wrong with our son. I remember the doctor’s appointments, the tests, the sonograms, the meeting with the genetic counselor. I remember the nurse passively saying “there’s something about the brain that looks weird...” All of this so vivid. What I also remember is my response. “Kacie, I think it’s going to be okay. The odds of this actually happening are slim. I think everything is fine.” These words I would utter so confidently, constantly wondering in the back of my head if I was wrong. What if something bad really could happen to our family? What if we weren’t immune? Since no diagnosis had been made and the possibility of something being wrong with our son was based on a fuzzy sonogram, I fought it.


My fighting turned into fixing that day in the sonogram room. I can still remember the words of the doctor. “We are not completely sure what your son has, but based on the sonogram we can know two things. 1 - He has a severe chromosome disorder - either Trisomy 18, Trisomy 13, or Triploidy. 2 - Your son is incompatible with life.” Crushed. Devastated. I can’t even think of a word to describe what I felt when the doctor said these things to us. All the hopes and dreams I had for my child were shattered. I wanted to fix him. When a tire goes flat - I fix it. When the batteries go out in Kadynce’s toy - I fix it. I’m a daddy and when there’s something wrong daddy fixes it! That’s just how it works. So, the most crushing thing was not that our son had a chromosome disorder or even that he was labeled “incompatible with life,” the most crushing thing to me in all of this was that my son was broken and no matter what I did, I could NOT fix it.



Weeks began to pass by and Kacie and I handled things differently. Kacie was carrying Isaac every day so she connected with him differently. She had to think about him, she had to worry, she had to wonder about how things were going to happen when Isaac was born. I did not. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Isaac. I would feel him kick, talk to him, and tell him that I loved him - but I could escape. I could go to work and not think about him. We had been told from the point of diagnosis of Trisomy 13 that Isaac would most likely die in womb and if for some chance he made it to birth, he would most likely die during the birth process. This scared me. Mommy is always able to connect with their baby in the womb on a much greater level than Daddy and the thought of losing Isaac before he was born meant that I would never have that opportunity. I began to ask of God a selfish plea - “God, please allow Isaac to be born a live so I can hold him. So that he can hear my voice and I can feel his breath. So that he can feel the love of His earthly father before he is in the hands of his heavenly father.”



As Isaac began to grow and mature, and doctors visits got closer and closer, it started becoming an actual reality that Isaac would be born. I began to be a little more protective of my son. I knew that while he was in his mommy’s belly he was fine. He was healthy, he was growing, he was alive. But I also knew that when he started to take breaths on this earth he would struggle, and eventually he would die. Being the fighting, fixing daddy that I am I wanted to protect him. In fact, I remember telling Kacie the morning before we went to the hospital that I wasn’t ready. I just wanted him to stay in her belly forever because that’s the only place that I knew he was safe. Of course Kacie probably thought I was crazy and was wishing that I would carry a baby for 14 months and see how I felt. But, I just wanted to protect him - and staying in mommy was the only way that was possible.



I had thought a lot about what our experience would be at the hospital. Would we have to rush to the hospital? When we got there would it be a very sad time? Would we be crying? Never in a million years did I think it would be so exciting. And never in a million years did I think it would be one of the best days of my life. After checking into the hospital we were anxious, we were excited, we knew our lives were about to change forever but didn’t know exactly how. We were surrounded by friends, pastors, elders, family, and some incredible nurses and doctors! It was by far an amazing experience. After a much needed epidural and a short night’s sleep - Kacie gave birth to Isaac Preston Hunt at on July 16th at 12:20pm. After about 30seconds of pushing (yes, Kacie is a professional) we were holding our son who was very much alive! God had blown me away and answered my plea to hold my son before giving him back to Jesus. I remember the three things that I told Isaac, “Isaac, I love you.” “Isaac, you are beautiful.” and “Isaac, it’s okay. You can go whenever you need to. You don’t have to stay here.” But the stubbornness that he got from his mommy took over and he blessed us with a life that lasted about two hours. It was a life of love. He knew nothing but it. He never had a heart break, was never rejected or deceived, never had to deal with the sin in this world. All he knew was the love of his mommy and daddy in the womb, the love of family, friends, and nurses, and now all he knows is the love of Jesus.












Since Isaac’s birth we have had some good times and some bad ones. The hardest part of our entire time in the hospital was putting our Isaac in the basket to be taken away by the funeral home. Thankfully, in God’s divine plan, we were surrounded by some amazing friends who we could not have done it without. The memorial service we had for Isaac was incredible. We were able to focus on the greatness and goodness of God. We prayed together, worshipped together, and truly experienced the body of Christ wrapping us up with love. And now, as the balloons have lost their air, the flowers have wilted, and all of the yummy goodies we received have been eaten, each day has it’s own trials. We desperately miss our Isaac, however we wouldn’t want him to be anywhere else right now than in the arms of his King.

As I look back to day one of this journey I can see one thing. I see God working. From books that Kacie just “happened” to read, to relationships that we had made, to the incredible community of believers that God placed us in, all of this was God working in our lives to prepare us for this journey. Even through the life and death of Isaac we see God working incredibly. The Gospel has been preached because of Isaac, people have recommitted their lives to Christ because of Isaac, the life of Isaac Preston, though short, was powerful. God is the great missionary and Isaac was and continues to be part of His sovereign plan.