A few weeks ago through a link up at Kelly's Korner I "met" the sweetest lady named Tesha. Her and her husband just lost their baby boy, Jonathan in January. When I read this post the other day I decided I needed to share it with all of you. I had never really thought about the power of hearing your baby's name and what she says is just so true. I love hearing Kadynce call her baby doll Isaac. I loved hearing our pastor say Isaac's name over and over when he was using him as an illustration in church this morning. Saying his name acknowledges that he was here and that his life was important. Tesha hosts a link up for mommy's that have lost babies on Tuesday mornings and this weekend she went to the beach and wrote each one of those baby's names with seashells. She has the most incredible heart and this picture meant the world to me!
Here comes the reason for the title of this post. I have been inspired by how much Tesha and her Tuesday morning link ups have meant to me. I have said before that when I was expecting Isaac I read any and every blog I could find of someone going through or that had gone through a similar situation as us. I specifically wanted to read stories of people that had a prenatal diagnosis of "incompatible with life." There were moments throughout my pregnancy that I literally didn't think I could handle any more. I was so thankful that I knew someone that had gone through a similar situation a few years before and her encouragement helped me greatly. She let me know that my feelings were normal and I didn't need to feel guilty. She also reminded me that the Lord would give me strength to get through each new day.
I have had moments over the past 9 months of thinking I need to "move on." I have feared people thinking that I am dwelling on something I shouldn't be. At times I have been afraid to talk about Isaac because I didn't want people to feel awkward or think that I'm just sitting at home mourning him all the time. It's quite the opposite actually, that little boy makes me smile each day. Well, I'm done with those thoughts and feelings. I have forever been changed by that sweet chubby-cheeked boy and for that I'm not going to apologize. I want his life to continue to be a blessing to others. So here's what I'm thinking...
I would like to start hosting a weekly link up for those who are carrying a baby with a negative prenatal diagnosis or those that have gone through this in the past. I think it would be so neat for moms on all different points in this journey to be able to connect and encourage one another. I'm thinking about doing this on Mondays and I would start next week. I'm a little nervous about doing this, but I'm going to take a leap of faith. I would love for you to help me spread the word to those you think this my bless!
That is a great idea Kacie, I will help spread the word and announce it on tomorrow's link up! I know of one mommy right now that has an incompatible with life diagnosis I know she would be so blessed to connect with other mommies. I will try to find her blog address. She dose not post much because she is still pregnant. I Love this post, I love to hear that your sweet boy has forever changed you and for the better. Hugs sweet mommy, if you need any help with doing the link-up let me know, it is pretty easy.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a great idea, Kacie! What moms need is connection and encouragement - what a great ministry opportunity! As far as you fearing what others are thinking or making them feel awkward - don't! Isaac Preston is your child. You don't "move on", but you do heal as you become able to focus on the wonderful lessons and memories that he gave you. It is perfectly ok for you to smile when you speak of him, weep when you speak of him...or both! His memory does not need to be folded up and put away for the ease of others - he is a part of your family history. Corley still includes Hannah in her prayers every night thanking God for her sister. She would've been 6 this past April. Many hugs and prayers are sent your way right now because I know that roller coaster of emotions you have to be having right now: tremendous excitement over Lydia, while missing Isaac at the same time. I am glad to help you spread the word! -Mel
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize you had a blog (or if I did I forgot). I was and still am so thankful that you shared Hannah's story with me. Your love, support, and encouragement helped me through some of the toughest times. Thank you for reaching out to someone you hardly knew. I am so thankful for your friendship!
DeleteHi from Teshas. We also had an Incompatable with life diagnosis. I think it's a great idea.
ReplyDeleteI, too, had an "incompatible with life" diagnosis. Our daughter, Faith, was born May 19, 2011 and lived for 42 minutes. With her birthday coming up, it's been a hard couple of weeks. I would love to participate.
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We also had a T-13 baby boy, Ian Patrick, born Easter Sunday, April 11, 2004 at 35 weeks. He lived 7 days. What a precious blessing he was. We did not "officially" have an incompatible with life diagnosis because we didn't get "flagged" as high risk until about 24 weeks. By the time they wanted to do the tests, we were 29 weeks. It ended up we would have gotten the results back about the time he was born since he came early. When we asked the reasoning for having the testing done, the thing that stuck with me was that "if they determined he would not survive and I was having complications in delivery, they would not do a c-section or anything. We felt there were no good reasons to do it and opted not to, but the doc was fairly certain we were T-13 or T-18.
ReplyDeleteBut God is SO FAITHFUL! Since that time, God has blessed us with 2 precious, beautiful girls from China...who both joined our family in April (2008 & 2011). And in His amazing grace, our newest daughter (albeit oldest...she's 14 yrs old) joined our family on Easter. I'm not sure how much more perfectly God could have ordained it than that!!! He is so good.
As far as speaking of your son...NEVER be afraid to do so. He was person. He lived. He still does live and waits for you in Heaven. He is your son...and will always be your son. We talk about Ian. Not with strangers, typically (although I have been known to say I have a son and 2 daughters), but mostly with our friends and family. There's no reason not to...and its part of the grieving and healing process. I'll never forget about 2 months after Ian was born, a co-worker & I sat down to chat. Her daughter had T-18 (I had no idea) and had lived 6 months. She would have been 19yrs old at the time. She literally at tears as she was talking to me about her, her story, my son and life without her 4th child. Don't be afraid to talk about him...and don't be afraid to let the tears fall. He's part of you..and your story.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for your encouragement! You are right God is so faithful and His plan is perfect! I couldn't tell if you have a blog, but if you do I would love for you to link up next week!
DeleteBecause I am in contact with other pastors and church leaders, I will recommend your ministry blog to them as I am sure that some will know of others experiencing similar situations and thus needing the encouragement.
ReplyDeletePerfect idea! I know this will help so many be blessed.
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