A Picture is Priceless

A few months back I posted an article on facebook describing the backlash the Duggars were receiving about taking pictures of their precious little girl, Jubilee that was stillborn at about 19 weeks gestation.  When I read what others were saying about them I was heartbroken.  I had just posted pictures of our sweet Isaac a few months before and all I could think about was what people were saying about him and about us behind our backs.  All it took was a little encouragement from friends and family to realize that until people have walked in our shoes they have no right to talk.  He was and is our baby and I will be forever thankful for the pictures we have of him.  Ok end of that soap box...
 
Friday I linked up with Kelly's Korner since her "Show Us Your Life' topic was for those that have lost children.  I received an email from the sweetest lady that also lost her precious little boy.  She was telling me that her biggest regret was not having any pictures or video of him, except for the picture that the hospital took.  She said it just never entered her mind because they were in the process of grieving.  She then found out about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep a few days later.  NILMDTS is an organization made up of professional photographers that come to the hospital and take beautiful photos of babies that have already passed away or are expected to shortly.  They capture moments of those babies with their families that are absolutely priceless.  I found out about this organization while working in a high risk OB unit right out of college.  I also remember reading about them on Angie Smith's blog after they took incredible pictures of their angel Audrey Caroline.  Sandy Allen took her Saturday to come photograph the time we had with our Isaac.  We will forever be grateful for the gift that she gave us.

I know many of you have seen these before, but for those that haven't here are some of my favorite pictures from that day.

 

I know when I was pregnant with Isaac I went to any and every blog I could find of those that had gone through a similar circumstance.  I wanted to read about their journey and see what life was like "on the other side of things."  I promise not every blog post is going to be about losing Isaac, but I want this to be a place for those searching for information and encouragement as they go through their own journey. 

Baby #3!

March 11,2011.  A day that changed my life forever. It was a day that I have relived in my mind over and over.  It was the day we were told that the precious life growing inside of me, our son, was very sick.  We were told if he made it to birth he would not live for long.  

July 16, 2011.  The day we met our perfect little boy, Isaac.  A day I never want to forget.  God blessed us with more than we could have ever asked for that day.  Isaac was born alive.  He was moving, making noises, and when he went to be with our Lord he did so without suffering.  

December 13,2011.  The day we found out the Lord had blessed us with a third baby.  He didn't have to, but he did.  Thankful, scared, excited, nervous.  My feelings were all of the above that day.  

March 5,2012. The day we found out the precious life growing inside of me is healthy!  Almost exactly a year after our hearts were shattered by a devastating diagnosis, the nurse said within seconds of looking at the sonogram screen "oh Kacie, this baby looks healthy".  I felt like a could finally breathe again.  

We are so excited and just so thankful for this new little blessing.  I think it really hit me this morning exactly how tough this past year has been when I walked through the baby section at Walmart and for the first time in a year my eyes were filled with tears of joy instead of sadness.  I had almost forgotten that that was possible.  When we posted our good news on facebook the love we received was overwhelming.  Thank you all so much for loving us so well.  

Daddy Daughter Dance

Friday night was the Daddy Daughter Dance at church.  Kadynce had been looking forward to this since I bought her dress shortly after Christmas.  She had been practicing the chicken dance every day and she was thrilled when they played it twice.  Kadynce and Jonathan both had a lot of fun and I enjoyed serving cookies to all of the adorable little girls and their sweet daddies.  Here are a few pictures from before the dance as well as a video.

Tis so sweet...

First of all I want to thank all of you that wished me a happy birthday on facebook yesterday. Each message meant so much to me! We celebrated my 25th birthday Tuesday night by going to see Wicked (thank you Mom and Dad)! I have wanted to see it since my senior year in high school so it was definitely a long awaited treat. Some sweet friends happened to have tickets for the same night and they took us out to eat before the show at Maggianos. It was an absolutely perfect night!

On another note and at the risk of being a little bit of a downer, I have been having a hard time with something lately. Those of you that know me well know that I am a very positive person. I almost always see the glass half full and can't stand it when all people do is complain. I am also VERY trusting. I wear my heart on my sleeve and assume the best of people, especially those closest to me. No, I don't expect anyone to be perfect, just trustworthy. It feels like lately I have been let down by so many people. Some close to me, some not so much, but either way each time it has hurt. While thinking about this last night it suddenly occurred to me why this keeps happening. Why my heart has been broken over and over. I am putting my trust in PEOPLE. The only One that I should really be putting my trust in is God. I mean I think you should be able to trust those that you love. I don't think simply being human excuses us of being untrustworthy or just plain unthoughtful or mean. I think it's a fine line though. When other people let us down we shouldn't let that completely ruin our day or determine our worth. That's what was happening to me. Each time someone hurt my feelings or didn't follow through with what they said they would I completely took it to heart. I was feeling completely worthless.

My Jesus loves me. I am important to Him and He will never let me down. My trust needs to be placed in Him. 

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
by:Louisa M.R. Stead

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”
 

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Shaky Earrings and ABCs

My baby girl is growing up so fast. She had been asking her Tata for "shaky earrings" for about a month now. Today she got some from Nana and Tata and she was one happy little girl. She kept shaking her head and showing everyone at church that would look. I thought it was especially cute when she kept showing her friend Logan. He didn't care about them one bit, but she sure was proud. Here she is showing them off mid "shake".



As if getting big girl earrings isn't enough growing up for one day, she decided tonight she would recite the ABCs for us. I didn't even know she could do this.

I have loved watching Kadynce go from a little baby, to a toddler, to a sweet little girl with a personality of her own. She loves to play anything pretend. Her baby dolls are her favorite, but she also loves her party kitchen, trains, and horses.

Thank you Lord for giving us this blessing and entrusting us to raise her to be a disciple for you.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Ok, ok maybe I'm a little (or a lot) late, but I hope everyone is having a great and very blessed 2012 so far. While talking with a very sweet and wise friend the other day I started having a pity party. I couldn't help but talk about how bad 2011 had been. Even after Isaac was born and went to be with Jesus it felt like I just couldn't pick myself or our family up. Just as I began to feel some sort of emotional strength something would happen and knock me flat on my face again. This is when I was gently reminded by my friend that I had a very BLESSED year. Hard, definitely, but blessed without a doubt. God is good and He never left my side even when I wasn't very happy with him (no I'm not perfect).

So here's to a new year and a new perspective. It may be a month late, but it's the thought that counts right?

170 Ounces

When Kadynce was a couple of months old one of my favorite bloggers posted on her blog that she was helping collect breastmilk donations for a baby whose mother had passed away shortly after giving birth.  The mother had been very passionate about wanting to nurse her baby and when she passed away her husband wanted the baby to still be able to have breastmilk.  He began excepting donations from women that were willing to give this precious gift.  I was not able to nurse Kadynce for long because of various complications, but when I read this story I remember saying "if I ever had a surplus of milk I would without a doubt want to donate it."  It's crazy awesome how the Lord works.  When I was pregnant with Isaac I realized one day that I was going to have that "surplus" because more than likely my baby would not get the chance to have it himself.  I wondered if even thinking of pumping and donating my milk made me crazy and didn't mention the idea to anyone, but a really close friend.  When my midwife mentioned it to me at a routine prenatal appointment I knew that was exactly what I was supposed to do.  She told me that sometimes it actually helped with the emotional healing process after losing a baby and she gave me the information to contact the Milk Bank to see what steps needed to be taken to become a donor.

This may sound strange, but in the last few weeks leading up to Isaac's birth donating my milk actually gave me something to look forward to.  I felt that even though I couldn't help my baby this was something I could do to help other little ones struggling for their life.  After Isaac was born I started pumping and continued to do so for 6 weeks.  Pumping 3 times a day allowed me to be able to donate 170 ounces to The Mother's Milk Bank for sick babies.  I had originally intended to do this for longer, but my body and my heart were ready to let go.  


















This post was in no way to say "look what I did" or to be thought of as bragging.  I was not able to find much information about donating breastmilk after losing a baby prior to Isaac's birth.  I wanted to put this out there in case someone in a similar situation happens to stumble upon this.  I feel like this really did help me emotionally in the weeks after losing our precious boy.  I still felt like a Mommy.  I felt like a part of Isaac was still with me.  I am so glad I made the decision I did.  If anyone has any questions about donating breastmilk please feel free to contact me at kaciehunt@gmail.com.  I would LOVE to talk to you!